Was talking to a client the other day about some big changes going on in his life.
In short: things are going well. After many years of degeneracy and dating some insanely toxic women, he’s turning his life around. He’s gotten more involved with his faith, and is now on track to marry a beautiful, “trad” catholic girl.
The conversation related mostly around whether he was making too rash of a decision. They haven’t known each other very long, and to many this choice would appear a bit rash.
However, as we talked more this became the least of my concerns. I am able to suss out pretty quickly toxicity in women, and there aren’t any red flags in this one. Moreover, it’s pretty clear his connection to this woman is based on a deep intuition.
I have enough experience with fate to know sometimes you just need to trust in these “weird” impulsive decisions. Worst case scenario, you get burned and learn from the experience. A good life always demands risk.
But there was something I did have some concerns about. Something I saw creating some major problems down the road in this soon-to-be marriage if not addressed.
Because of the intensity of their faith, their relationship was beginning to revolve too much around roles.
I don’t mean this in the sense of having traditional dynamics between man and woman.
Rather that he assumed the relationship would be a success because each’s belief in the sacredness of marriage and desire to play their god-given roles.
Look, don’t get me wrong here. Strong values and commitment to building a life together does give them an advantage over other secular couples.
But to put it bluntly: you cannot outsource a happy relationship to God.
You can outsource a functional relationship, sure. You can create a partnership with defined roles.
But passion does not come from role-playing. He emotional desire for you as a man does not come from her faith.
If she is a good woman, she may play her role dutifully… if you are lucky. But she won’t feel alive. And if another man enters her life who does make her feel alive… that’s usually when your luck runs out.
So do NOT discard everything you know about female psychology simply because you’ve met a good religious girl.
Women are women, regardless of what they believe or how they were brought up. Good values might restrain bad behavior, but they don’t resolve emotions.
If you want to make a woman adore you, you must give her what she needs from a man.
Don’t only offer her scripture; give her romance. Create tension; penetrate her with your desire.
Because the sad truth is many devoutly religious men find themselves devastated after years of marriage, because their wives no longer love them… or are even in the process of leaving them.
I see it all the time on Twitter.
“My wife is moving forward with a divorce, pray for us that she will remember our covenant”
I am all about prayers but there is something so sad and naive about these people. It’s a passivity.
“We checked these boxes therefore the marriage should work right?”
Not how it works – not with women, and not with anything.
God helps those who help themselves.
And one of the best ways to help yourself with women?
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
