Something occurred the other day with a client, which in fact occurs quite commonly.
They have some situation with a girl. Things aren’t good, there are all sorts of problems…
(Or maybe things SEEM good, but there are all sorts of “subtle tells” going on under the surface that raise red flags.)
Very often it concerns a woman being manipulative, or the guy himself not having very good boundaries.
Anyway, as per my job as coach, I help these clients to see what is going on.
I outline her behavior, and what it means. I reveal the ways these guys are lying to themselves, self-rationalizing their decisions…
Sometimes the conversations are difficult, but the points are acknowledged.
All good then, right? My coaching’s identified what’s going on, along with the smart course of action. Tragedy averted for the client.
Except that more often than not… the client ignores the “advice” and does what he wants anyway.
WTF, right?
Not so much.
Because this is simply how humans operate. Which is why a good coach factors it into the equation.
You see, there’s a big misconception about coaching.
People assume it is about “expert information.”
“You’re going to tell me what to do with this girl, so I can get what I want.”
And sure, there is some of that.
But if you’ve got a crush on a girl, and I tell you not to text her because she’ll lose interest… my main concern is NOT that you do not text her.
Rather, it’s that you UNDERSTAND WHY TEXTING HER IS BAD.
That you go into your action with FULL AWARENESS.
Because this is how you break emotional patterns.
Understand:
Guys are going to make dumb decisions with women and ignore red flags because they have emotions, and emotions are powerful things.
My job is not to stop them from hurting themselves, but to draw the correct lessons from their bad decisions, and to mitigate the damage.
The analogy I use very often is the quicksand one. They’re going to jump in no matter what I say… my job is to put a rope around them first, so they can get out easier.
Maybe a guy I’m working with SHOULD break up with his girlfriend.
But if he’s still in love with her, he’s not going to do it until she breaks his heart.
I can’t stop this from occurring; he will simply ignore my advice. But by telling him what will occur, and allowing him to explore it, he will move through the emotional pattern faster and get out without nearly as much pain.
Sometimes we need to go through things to understand them.
I don’t judge clients for making “bad” decisions because from a different perspective, that decision is exactly what they need to understand the truth of something. Maybe they are not ready to leave that pattern… and that’s OK. It’s their choice.
My job is simply to bring awareness and clarity to their decisions so their choices are really conscious, vs impulsive and hidden.
For it is only through awareness that we can work through these things.
Anyway, if you want my help with your “woman problem”…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/applicationI promise to protect you from the mistakes you can’t afford, while letting you make the ones you need to grow.
No judgment.
– Pat
PS The DUMBEST thing you can do is ignore my advice and then ghost. The mistake won’t ruin you, but the shame might. Don’t make very human “weak moments” a bigger deal than they are – this is the path to self-isolation and stagnation.
