One thing that seems incomprehensible, and indeed threatens permanent resentment for many “recovering nice guys” is why — despite all the kind things they did — the women they loved and cared for could act so cruel to them.
These are guys who were, on paper, the perfect boyfriends — they were considerate, generous, patient. And yet they weren’t simply dumped by these women… they were emotionally (and often physically) abused, financially pillaged, and regularly deceived.
A lack of attraction is understandable — they can admit they were too needy, that they got lazy, that they allowed her to get away with too much bad behavior.
But the cruelty is something entirely different. It transcends the relationship; it takes on a moral tone.
And it’s this dilemma that causes many of these men to slip into the darker areas of the red pill, despite having little desire to enter such realms themselves.
Are women really this amoral? Are women really just narcissistic, lying bitches?
The answer, if you’ve been around here, is of course, no. Women are people; just as men range from honorable to scummy, so do women.
And yet, you can learn a lot about women from their darker cadre.
Such as why so many act so cruel to men who have been kind to them.
The primary reason this occurs is the interplay between female attraction and the psychological principal of consistency.
You see, women are not attracted to men who are weak, needy, and can be pushed around.
When a woman is just getting to know a guy, or when she is generally uncertain about his mental fortitude, she will “shit test” him with all sorts of bullshit behavior and attitude. The goal of these (subconscious) challenges is to see how much they can get away with, and ergo, how much they should respect the authority of this man.
High-confidence women will depart quickly from men who do not meet their level of respect. (Many aspiring PUAs are disregarded before they even have a chance to ‘run game’ due to the high level of perception of these women)
Average-confidence women might stick around for a bit and get roped in, but will be generally unhappy with the arrangement, leaving when a better option comes around.
Low-confidence women, however, tend to create co-dependent dynamics with these weaker guys, which means the relationships tend to last longer but have higher levels of dysfunction.
These women lack the ability to feel good about themselves outside of having some guy to prey on. They are extremely demanding; the quintessential “energy drainers.” Their favorite targets are thus “high energy” sources who won’t be depleted easily — guys with a spark to them, who are very likable and successful, but who have guilt / savior pockets that leave them open to being manipulated.
“OK Pat, that all makes sense — but what makes these women so cruel?”
The problem with guys who have these guilt / savior complexes is they direct their negative emotions towards themselves. Those who prey on them, however, do the opposite — they project outwards.In other words, they BLAME.
(READ: The Predator Within)
To avoid taking responsibility for their own bad behavior, they create rationalizations about the “evils” of these nice guys. They gaslight, and call these guys manipulators, of being controlling, etc. etc.
(Some of this, of course, is likely true, but never to the extent they claim.)
The subconscious purpose of it all is simply to protect the ego of the woman.
She’s not bad… yet she’s doing these things to you. Therefore YOU have to be bad.
And once she’s come to the conclusion that you’re bad… then she’s justified in not simply taking advantage of you, but DESTROYING you.
What’s the silver lining to all of this?
Well, it’s not what you might think.
But I genuinely think the women who do this, do it for our own good.
One of the things exorcists say re: “demons” is that they are actually “ways of salvation” in a certain sense. They give us vectors to purify in order to ascend.
So it is with these arguably demon-possessed women.
They break us to teach us to keep women like them out.
We deserved what we got because we were weak. Because we lacked boundaries.If we had any self-respect, we’d have left them long ago.
Which is why women are wonderful… because they are the best teachers for growth.
The only problem?
Most guys don’t know how to understand these lessons.
Which is why you might consider working with me.
Because nobody understands these lessons, and the implications of them, better than me.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
