We talk a lot about things you can do to improve yourself with women.
Getting in shape. Becoming a social kingpin. Learning game and seduction. And of course, getting your beliefs sorted so you have unshakable confidence.
(Get my masterclass if you want to level up on these)
But there are unfortunately some things we can’t change about ourselves that affect our attractiveness towards women.
And since we can’t do much if anything to change these things, we have to instead focus on mitigating objections to them.
One of these biggest things, of course, is our height.
I ignored the role of height for a long time in my dating life. Most pick up marketing diminished it, and I bought into the marketing.
But it’s important to be realistic about these things. There’s a reason women on dating apps often make stipulations about a guy’s height.
It matters to them.
So what do we do?
Well, first let’s have a little talk about the parameters here.
Which Height Really Matters?
If you’re 6ft tall, you’re pretty much clear when it comes to height objections. Almost every girl will consider you “tall.”
Returns on height continue until about 6.5ft; after that you are getting into more niche fetishes, as many women are going to start thinking you’re too tall (think of it like breast size, guys want them big in theory, but HH size tits are kind of freakish and not appealing to most men).
Conversely, you aren’t really in a “bad” situation with height so long as you are above 5.5ft tall. Most women will consider this acceptable — neither positive nor negative.
(Note: I am speaking predominantly about REAL LIFE dating. Online has become such a clusterfuck, the “attractive” criteria for guys is skewed easily 3-6 inches more than it would be normally. I don’t recommend shorter guys use online dating for this reason.)
However, dating “tall” women (who are generally in this height bracket) will be difficult. Women tend to want to date men who are at least 2 inches taller than them — ideally 4. This is so that they can wear heels, but still be considered “submissive” physically to the guy when they embrace.
Which brings up an important point: while almost all women care about height, they don’t all care about it the same way. They want a guy taller than them — but many are only looking for a guy who is in this 2-6 inch range above them. Too high, and it might feel unbalanced to the girl.
It’s only at 5.5ft and under do guys usually start to experience consequences in dating due to their height — both in quantity (there are less women they have height advantages over) and via overall judgment.
So let’s talk about how to mitigate them.
How To Deal With A Height Objection #1: Get BIG
The first way to manage a height objection is one not every guy will have the option of really maxing out… but EVERY guy nevertheless needs to attempt.
You need to GET BIG.
If you aren’t super tall, but you’ve got muscle on you… you are going to see most of these height issues go away.
Girls are still going to be attracted to you physically, and feel your imposing nature.
Which is the real advantage of being tall in the first place: girls feel small compared to you.
So if you can’t do it by towering over her, let her feel you dominating around her.
I understand for some guys this will be easier than others. But I simply want to underline — the more you do in this regard, the better your returns will be.
Even if you can’t get built like a master sergeant due to genetics, you can at least avoid the worst case scenario — being short and lanky.
I’m sorry if I’m “triggering” anyone with this message, but I say it for your own good.
Everyone should be lifting, but if you’re short, it’s non-negotiable.
How To Deal With A Height Objection #2: Be Like Napoleon
Everybody’s heard of the “Napoleon Complex” — aka the “aggressive, short guy persona.”
People even make fun of it.
But the reason it exists is that it works.
I’ve talked to you before about my 3 Pillars of Attraction.
And in my 21 Convention speech, one of the things I reference is the interplay between Preselection and Persona.
The former is passive framing; the latter active framing.
In other words, preselection creates a narrative around you automatically. You don’t need to do much to make an impression; your status, your wealth, your height, etc do the talking for you.
Persona, in contrast, takes a more engaged approach in creating impressions.
And so if you don’t have a lot of preselection… your persona needs to be more aggressive to set a frame of dominance in your interactions.
Understand… you don’t just have to be a gruff dickhead to make this impression. You can be a kind, genuine person… but there needs to be force and presence behind your words.
You need to have ENERGY and a real sense of boundaries… not necessarily overblown arrogance (though a little here and there helps).
Call it Napoleon Complex 2.0
How To Deal With A Height Objection #3: Laugh It Off and Redirect It
The final way of dealing with a height objection is more tactical.
Some girls are inevitably going to say stuff about your height as a way to test your frame. Maybe it’ll be a direct “neg,” maybe a more subtle one.
And there are two ways to fail these “shit tests” and get written off.
The first, as you might expect, is to sit there and take it. She’ll know she can put you in a box, diminish you… and when that happens with a woman, it’s over.
But the second trap is respond emotionally. Because when you get pissed, you are subcommunicating that her comments affect you, and are only going to make people associate you as the “insecure angry short guy.”
So what to do?
Laugh it off and redirect it.
I’ll give you an example of something that you can use online.
Let’s say a girl on her profile “6ft+ only.”
Assuming you match, one of her initial shit tests will likely be checking whether or not you’re actually that height.
A lot of guys either try to explain away this, or get angry when asked this question… both of which as discussed will not get you anywhere.
A better approach is to use the classic agree / disagree and amplify… and then qualify her instead:
“4ft10. Looking for a QT to carry me around. You do squats so you’ll be prepared right”
“8ft2. You’re at least 7ft with D-cups right, I’m looking to have giant babies”
You can see that both of these examples are ridiculous and cut the tension of her shit test.
In all likelihood she’ll laugh, which is good… but what’s most important is that you’ve moved to qualification over to her. In the former example, you are qualifying her ass; the latter her tits. These not only allow some playful, sexual-charged flirting, but sets things up for rapid sexual escalation in person, as you have a pretense to be bold and “inspect” the goods.
The reason why the above has a good chance of working is that it avoids the conversation falling into antagonism.
Make no mistake, there is a time and a place to rebuke a girl harshly when she violates your boundaries. But again… getting mad looks bad. I wouldn’t refrain from aggression out of politeness — frankly girls who are overt about their height requirements are generally trash — but because it gives her too much power. And moreover, it doesn’t do anything to attract her.
Another, related approach would be to make these criteria from the outset. Must squat or D+ cups only. The idea is to take the initiative in qualification so you throw her off before she has a chance to judge you.
This is good in theory, and relates to Approach #2 — there is a bit of the “Napoleonic Aggression” in this. But most women will still parry these blows… so remember that keeping calm and redirecting — and leveraging it into attraction — is always crucial.
Conclusions – Height Objections
Not everything in attraction is in your control. In fact, many of us are severely constrained — not just in height — from being “elite” in one or more designations.
There is always some guy who will be “better” than you — and even if you are top dog now, you won’t be later. Hierarchies change with time.
The only thing we can do is mitigate the downsides of these “liabilities,” learn how to frame them appropriately, and accept reality for what it is.
If you’re less than 6ft tall, some women are going to lose interest in you.
If you’re less than 5.5ft tall, that number will increase dramatically.
But even if your market shrinks, there are still ALWAYS going to be women who won’t care. Maybe they will be short themselves, so the proportions still “work”… maybe they are in fact quite tall, and have given up on finding a hot guy taller than them.
Or maybe they simply don’t consider height that big of a deal, and care much more about your personality and character.
The point is…
THESE WOMEN EXIST.
Many of them are in fact very attractive.
And you can help seal the deal with them by getting big and strong, expressing confidence and boldness in your interactions… and finally, not making a big deal out of your height.
Holding it lightly, with humor, using the topic and any “shit tests” around it to create more attraction rather than less.
At the end of the day, holding frame is about CONFIDENCE in who you are and your value.
If you want help making that self-belief solid, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
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