Yo Pat, I want your perspective on a situation I had a few months ago:
I was out at a bar one night and I danced with a girl who was VERY receptive to me. Made out with me enthusiastically, followed my lead in everything, and the masculine/feminine energy was strongly there.
I sat down and chatted with her to vet her a bit. She was still very receptive and excited by me, and she passed my vibe check, so I got her number and offered to take her on a walk outside.
“No, I have to leave with my friends, but we can still dance”
So we danced a little more, then she went back to her friends and I left the bar.I liked her a lot but she never texted me back, so welp.
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I remember having multiple situations occur to me like the above. It was perplexing — a girl would be all over me at a venue, but afterwords when I’d go for a date… she’d be non-responsive. It took me awhile to realize what was going on.
These girls were attracted to me only because I knew how to be attractive and they were looking for a certain experience from that night.
There was a CONTEXT to their desire. I was merely playing a role in their own evening fantasy.
And so, while it’s fair to say I deserved some of the credit for those nights of passion, much — even most — of what transpired was not due to me, but to simply being in the right place at the right time, and not stepping too much on her toes in a dance she wanted to have.
It’s something PUAs et al. hate to hear because it offends their egos.
But VERY FEW evening dalliances occur because they are a “game god” able to seduce some unsuspecting “HB10” into unleashing to torrent of hidden desires… rather, most of getting physical happens because a girl decides that night she’s going to get physical. The difference between the guy “good” with women and the beta is
a) the former knows how to play the role of the guy she’s seeking for some fun — and in the case of guys who really get it — b) they know how to discern which girls are which, spending time only on the receptive ones; seducing those there to be seduced.
I’m going more broad here, but to re-zoom back on the scenario above:
The girl was not looking for a guy to date. She was looking to forget her week, dance and make out with an attractive guy — no strings attached.
Sometimes girls will take these impulses further. Maybe they’re horny, and what they want to do is fuck.
But regardless of how far she wants to take this fantasy… the same pitfalls are there.
Don’t misinterpret her situational desire for a deeper one.
If you get too serious, if you do too much rapport building… if you go for a number to see her in a different context… you are breaking her out of her trance. You’re fucking with her fantasy, trying to control things too much.
Better to keep getting her hot and bothered, keep things light… maybe even try to have sex there.
And to the extent you get her number, let her know it’s solely “if you get bored and want to have some fun.”
Moving on…
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Hey this girl i see around work is dating another guy i work with. but i catch her staring at me, eye contact a lot. Today she “accidentally” bumped into me. Shes done it before.We talked a few times and she shows interest but her boyfriend is always around her at work and theyre in a serious relationship from what i hear. She never talks about him to me. Shes even asked me to share a secret about me in exchange for one about her. But her being with a man and flirting with me buggs me . Would u keep distance or make a move?
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It’s likely she finds you cute, though it’s hard to gauge what exactly her intentions are — I don’t know enough about her relationship. Women love attention, and nothing validates a woman like having multiple men interested in her. She probably just wants you to want her, with a goal of placing you in “high orbiter” status. She’ll keep fucking her boyfriend, meanwhile your energy is wasted flirting with her, rather than attracting other women.
However, it is also highly possible she’s “bored” with her current guy and sees you as the rebound. In this case, she’s grooming you for her impending “branch swing.” Play it cool, keep flirting and teasing her, and she’ll pursue you further… when the tension gets critical, you can force a break up, and almost certainly hook up once things are done.
But if you’re asking what I’d do, it’s not the latter. Girls like this are immature and I don’t have a lot of respect for them. Moreover, you are in a work environment. You don’t want to get a reputation for being a home wrecker — even if she was the one who instigated it.
Regardless of what you decide, however, what’s essential is you remember she’s fundamentally trash. The way she is treating her boyfriend now is exactly how she will treat you down the road.
If you do hook up with her, treat her as disposable, not something you’d ever commit to.
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That’s all for today. If you’re inclined to change your relationships with women permanently…
Apply to work with me: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
