Hey Pat,
Hope its going well man! Been a reader of your material and I’m a big fan. It’s really increased my level of confidence and understanding of women. I see you answer reader’s questions from time to time and I always find that super applicable. I’m in sort of an interesting situation myself and I was hoping to get your input.
So there is this girl who moved into my building recently. Super fit and we bumped into each other at my building’s holiday party in Dec. I had just learnt about frame and being the prize and all the good stuff. I kept cool and wasn’t pushy and thought let’s just see how this goes.
So I didn’t try to get her number right away or set up a date. Just had a good time and left. We bumped into each other a couple of times after and she stopped to talk and told me about what she does for work and asked me what I do. After a couple of times I said “it’ll be easier to catch up over coffee”.
So in Feb we get coffee and the conversation goes great. I feel my confidence building and then I ask her how come she moved here and she goes “oh my husband and I recently separated”. I was like “uhh what..”
So yeah they are going to get a divorce but the thing is the ink isn’t dry yet. I just kind of dropped it with her after that but I recently got a couple of texts asking how things were going. It’s kinda hard to resist, like I said she’s really hot and it’s hard to get any other opportunities when everything is locked down.
So I’m just figuring out what to do here. I hate the guys who seduces another guy’s girl and I don’t want to be that guy. On the other hand it seems to be a pretty done deal that they will get a divorce, but like I said its not official. So what I’m asking is do papers being signed make any real difference or am I in the clear in this situation?Appreciate any input man, stay safe!
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As you might assume, I am firmly against infidelity — it’s a game weak people play. If you want to hook up with someone else, be single… or at least be honest about your intentions.
But the reality is that is exactly what you are describing above.
When you are separated you are single. Separation is a break up. Divorce is a matter of legality, not of emotional commitment.
Now, I do not recommend you get serious with a woman who is separated — you may not know the full story of what’s going on, and where there is a legal contract there is a solid chance of reunion. I’d say at least a quarter of couples who separate get back together.
And even with all that… someone just getting out of any relationship needs to do some processing. If you jump in she’s not going to be emotionally available for you — you are just an escape.
Not so great if you’re in the market for a girlfriend.
But if you’re down for something fun and casual… these are probably the best women to date.
She’s undersexed and emotionally burned out. She wants to party, do crazy things, and most importantly — FUCK.
So go see her and stop taking the whole thing so seriously.
Just remember what it is: a fling.
Even if she’s lying about their status, she’s pursuing you. It’s not your problem, your conscience should be clear. Don’t try to save her morals… she’s an adult. And it’s very unsexy.
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Hi, I’ve been caught up in a dilemma for the past year now and was wondering if you could offer any advice?
I’ve don’t struggle in attracting girls, in fact, my problem is the opposite. I’m a 21-year-old from the UK and I’m in a position in my life where I am enjoying getting to know several girls. However, I would like to do this in the most ethically sound way without hurting anyone. To begin with I would just speak to several girls at once and tell the occasionally white lie. For example, I may have gave the impression to a few girls that they are the only one I speak too. However, this didn’t feel right so I then went on to attempting to tell girls that I’m seeing other girls and tried to encourage them to see other people too.
The problem with this is that I’ve been told that I shouldn’t be making the girls like me so much if I have no intention of progressing into a relationship with them. I struggle with attracting girls in a way that they don’t become emotionally attached but still are interested in me sexually. I suppose this is an aspect of my game I need to work on but my ‘natural game’ is making girls really fall for me.
Could you offer any advice in how to separate these different types of game?
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One of the more popular questions, I’ve gotten this one a lot on my periscopes.
And I’ve written about this kind of game in depth.
But to be short and sweet:
You’re doing a good job on the ethical front. I don’t think you need to tell girls you are seeing other girls… but it’s laudable you are giving them that awareness, especially if they are starting to fall for you.
However, re: these “types of game,” I have some bad news for you.
There are three types of guys who get into game. One who gets in it for the status/stories. One who gets in it for the sex. Another who gets in it for the intimacy.
Of course, we may overlap with all of these to some degree or another. But broadly were in one of these three categories.
The former type care more about the lifestyle and partying. They hook up with girls at events, cause it’s fun. These are anywhere from Tier 3-5 – nothing particularly intimate. Girls don’t care much what comes from this.
Then there are the guys in it for sex. This is a very particular niche — these guys have enormous connection to their sexual energy. And women feel it. They know the guy won’t commit, he’s just around for the sex, but… so are they. There’s no romance, just fucking.
This is mostly Tier 3 dynamics, sometimes Tier 2.
These first two types have no problem with casual dating, because their interactions are fundamentally casual.
The third type, however, struggles with this.
Because even though they don’t want commitment… they want to be intimate with other girls…
They blur the lines of the relationship by nature, because they want to penetrate a woman’s heart and soul even more than her… well, you know.
These guys do a little Tier 3 dating, but it’s mostly Tier 2 and even 1.
It’s about connection.
Girls feel it and respond accordingly. They FEEL this isn’t a casual thing, even though they know it’s not moving forward.
It’s a more rewarding romantic experience for both parties — and yes, the sex is almost always amazing — but much more complicated.
The point of all of what I’m trying to say is that you may want to change this logically, but the former two categories are not why YOU are in the game. So you will have a difficult if not impossible time changing this.
What to do?
Get used to being a guy who breaks girls hearts. It is a common high-quality problem men who “get it” have.
Or, stop dating multiple women.
It’s what I did… and for many of the same reasons.
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Anyway, enough for today.
Apply to work with me if you want my expertise in depth, on demand: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
