A very interesting study crossed my path from a client this morning I had to share.

Basically the gist is that women who displayed “happiness” were deemed most attractive… while men were deemed the least. Meanwhile, men who displayed “pride” were considered sexiest; women the least.

I think we can agree off the bat that this is true for women. Women who act arrogant, who don’t smile… who are what we might call unpleasant… are very unattractive to men.

In contrast, women who are “bubbly” and happy are lovely to be around. This is that feminine grace men seek in women — the tonic to the troubles of the world they must bear, like spring flowers by a gentle stream.

But is happiness really of opposite value for women? Do women dislike men who show that they feel life is good?

I think our problem here is mostly definitional.

Yes, it’s true that women tend to like guys who have a “hardness” to them — in part because it conveys strength to them, and in part because they like to bring out that softness in us.

“Pride” is in many ways a proxy for this. “I am strong and confident in my abilities, I don’t aim to please anyone – and others need to work to please me.”

Large and in charge — aka masculine.

Therefore, if we are talking about a guy who is giddy all the time, acting like a child — the above re: male happiness and attractiveness is probably accurate. Childlike energy has a feminine quality to it, and women are not looking for that from their men.

But is that the only way to display “happiness?”


Moreover, methinks it paints too black and white of a picture — to the extent that guys who read this may stop smiling and start acting cold, because they think it’s “alpha” (when it’s really just distortion).

Indeed, it’s especially irksome because the one thing women HATE is guys who are BORING.

And what they LOVE is guys who have a self-amused charm, and casual (even careless) mastery.

Which comes from what emotion?



A guy who is happy is a guy who enjoys PLAY.

It’s a guy who enjoys life, and can turn every day into an adventure.


Which is every guy in the world who has made women infatuated.

Now, the problem with many guys who are happy is that this happiness makes them WEAK and LAZY.

A “sure I’ll take anything” or “I don’t need to do anything” kind of energy.

Not so much happiness as excessive AGREEABLENESS and PASSIVITY.

Which I believe the researchers assume is how BOTH SEXES display happiness.

Whereas yours truly believes a woman’s “oh my god, I’m so happy for you!” jumping up and down jubiliation and a man’s “congratulations” with a smirk and a hug are BOTH displaying happiness.

Anyway, think you catch my drift.

Nuance is important with these things, lest people get confused.

Which is why if you want PRECISION guidance in your own love life…

I recommend you apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat

PS If you were looking to see what was inside the masterclass, I dropped one of the videos from the 18.5+ hour course underneath the bottom disclaimer. Check it out: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page