Hey Pat I wanted to ask what your thoughts are on knowing whether a girl is the right one for marriage? I think I’ve dated enough to know what I want in a woman long term, not that I plan on getting married anytime within the next 4-5 years minimum. My gf comes from a family which honestly makes me jealous how in love her parents are after their 20+ years together. I grew up with mine fighting almost daily if not. She values family and happiness more than anything it seems. Really pleasant to be around and allows me to thrive in the dominant role in the relationship. Im not sure who else to ask but I value your option and outlook towards relationships more than 99% of other accounts on twitter
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Happy to hear you’ve found a good woman from a good family.
I appreciate the question, though really… what am I to say?
Based on everything you’ve said above, it sounds like the girl you’re dating is exactly what you’d be looking for for marriage. If you are just looking for permission / reassurance, you’ve got it.
The only thing I would add here revolves around your marriage stipulations themselves.
I don’t know how old you are… so if you’re under 20 feel free to disregard all of this.And I also don’t know how long you and this girl have been dating, which is also relevant.
But I’d ask yourself why there is a firm insistence in your mind for waiting “at least” 4-5 years.
Note that I don’t think you need to or should rush anything here. I don’t know anything about your life — maybe there are good reasons for that timeline.
My caution is simply that I’ve seen enough guys in the manosphere freak out about “divorce rape” and all of that to kick the can down the road as far as they can… even when they’ve got a girl who is very high quality.
You need to be careful about this.
Great girls who care about family usually don’t want to wait that long. And if she is a great girl, and you do want to start a family with her, there’s no reason not to.
The point here isn’t to tell you that you should “lock her down” — that sort of attitude comes from scarcity, and is not what I mean.
Rather, it’s just to have you be aware of what looks like a “program” in your mind — probably seeded from skittish guys in the manosphere into fertile soil from your upbringing — that is not conducive to a great relationship.
You’ve got baggage to deal with from watching your parents have a shitty marriage. Focus more on resolving that, less on her.
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Good day. What it means when continously a women appears at the distance but totally infront of your eye view and that turns to look at you at moments while she continues her route infront of you, it seems like a deer in the forest that knows where you are going wanting you to comfty see her at the distance while you continue your natural route.
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This is a class IOI my friend. She’s following you and staring at you.
Approach. She won’t do it forever.
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Hey pat, Currently talking to a 20F whose I met through my cousin during a night out in February, we fucked when we got home that night and have been talking since. During the hookup, she asked me to hit her and shit and I was shocked and said no because I didn’t know her. She’s also made out with my cousin (the brother of my cousin who introduced us). We’ve been talking since and she admitted to hooking up with a guy the night after we met.
I asked why and she says that she was vulnerable, wanted validation, but that she left his house early and crying, In regret, not talking to him since. This hurt, although we weren’t together obviously. She seems to be really into me, but I don’t know where to go from here. Im afraid she’ll not be as attracted or ever have the same desire to me as the dudes that have hit her. Though she has a surprisingly low sexual history, as I was her 5th guy according to voluntarily telling me. She’s never had a boyfriend. I don’t know if she’s relationship material or if I’m just insecure. I really can’t tell man. We haven’t been able to hangout since quarantine but I know that she likes me and wants this to workout.I should say, about the hitting stuff, she is close with her family and seems to have an otherwise healthy relationship with her father.
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My friend, the number of red flags with this girl is off the chart. I guarantee that her number is significantly higher than 5 if she gets off on guys hitting her, fucked you the night you met, and fucked another guy the night after you.
You know this on a deep level — which is why you asked me the question.
The standard “correct advice” of course would be to tell you to next her and move on.
But obviously you are interested, and you’re not going to do that if I tell you.
Which is OK… generally.
This is how we learn. Just go into what you explore with her with EYES OPEN.
But be particularly cautious with this one, because these are the kind of girls who like to tell tall tales and get the police involved when their emotions go the wrong direction.
She is damaged goods, and not “relationship material” by any stretch of the imagination.
Any woman who likes to be BEATEN by strangers was likely raped or has sexual abuse in her past.
She has been fucking randos on repeat and likes to be demeaned by them because it’s her unconscious way of processing the trauma (by repeating it).
And she is looking to you as someone who can “save her” — aka someone she can drain energy off of.
Stay safe, and make sure you don’t fall too deep into this quick sand.
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That’s all for today.
Reminder if you want in-depth, personalized help, apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
