Good tweet came to me the other day from Masculine Millennial:

And unfortunately a scenario all too common.

Guy starts dating a girl, has shit frame, and his friends aren’t too enthusiastic about her influence on him…… and before you know it, the girl starts isolating said guy from his friends… and if that fails, forces an ultimatum on him to stop seeing them altogether.

Now, of course, there is sometimes a special context to this worth examining.

Maybe the guy and his friends are bums… smoke weed and play video games every day. And the girl’s ultimatum is actually about him extricating himself from bad influences. These are his long time friends — he turns a blind eye to them despite their problems, and she is the objective, positive influence he needs.

Certainly such scenarios have occurred. Far too many guys surround themselves with dead weight… either friends who are losers, or on a trajectory to end up in prison.

But more common, it is unfortunately the woman who is the dead weight.

She finds a guy who lacks abundance with women, and leeches off of his energy and spirit… gradually reducing him to a husk.

She doesn’t like him to spend his time around friends who might make him aware of her vampirism.

And so she plays a long game, gradually manipulating him until he is cut off from the rest of his network.

Why do I mention all of this?

Because it’s something that you need to be very very cautious of as a guy.

And not simply to the overt examples of subjugation, like the one above.

But to the more subtle versions. The back-channelled ones.

The itsy-bitsy, slow-drip of pressure and complaints about “spending too much time” away from her… or with people she “just doesn’t connect with.”

Because with women, my friends… it’s not usually an overt clash that kills your spirit and autonomy… but a guerilla campaign. A death by 1000 cuts.Indeed, sometimes it’s not even a fight. The guy naturally gravitates away on his own… out of eagerness to give her exactly what she wants.It’s a shame.

Because it guarantees said guy’s life is going to get dramatically worse.

And here’s why:

First, there is the more obvious question of frame. Why are you changing big things in your life because a woman demands it? Unless these guys are truly bad influences — as in they make your life worse, not hers — you need to take a step back.

Because it may start with your friends, but soon it will extend to everywhere in your life.

And the end-result of this is you becoming less attractive… and your relationship becoming co-dependent and dismal… or you even getting dumped or cheated on by her.

But the second, more overlooked reason is in fact just as

it’s not just about the “principle.”It’s about the fact that strong male friendships are ESSENTIAL.

(Read: Why Men Have No Friends)

They build up your masculinity and sharpen you, and inspire great deeds in you.

They give you a true safe space to share the difficult things you want to spare your woman.

But even beyond all of this…

Even beyond the simple fact of loyalty…

You need SPACE from your woman in order to enrich your relationship with her.

I know every relationship is different.

But healthy relationships are born of two INDIVIDUALS coming together INTER-DEPENDENTLY.

They are not some sort of hive mind borg.

They EXPAND each other’s lives, rather than shrink it.

So.If your woman isn’t encouraging this individuality… and isn’t seeking some herself…

I’d run.

Healthy relationships are about acceptance, not control.

And if yours isn’t quite there, and you want to change it?

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat