Was talking to a client last week, and he brought up an interesting problem.
First, a little context:
This client is crushing it with women. He’s a day game monster, approaching very often 20+ women each week. He shows up weekly to calls, is honest and introspective, and takes enormous action.
He’s not at an elite level yet, but by spring he’ll be closing at a high rate — a serious transformation since we began working together in the fall (when he was in a complete dry spell and had all sorts of mindset and validation issues)
Which is why it was interesting to hear from him how he was struggling with a recent rejection.
Though not all that surprising, given the circumstances.
You see, this client brushes off rejections from women on the street. And if they flake after he gets their number, he chalks it up to the game — doesn’t take it personally.
But in one recent situation, a rejection hit him hard… because it didn’t happen after some random approach… but after a date.
Why so different?
Because of how our mind compartmentalizes.
My client understood that rejection from a girl who didn’t know him, didn’t matter. Thus he could go up and approach without taking any of it personally.
But on a date, the rejection felt much more personal — because the woman had gotten to know him, yet had declined to see him again anyway.
Now, is it something he should actually take personally?
No.
As always, you NEVER know the full picture of what is going on in a woman’s life. There are many reasons completely unrelated to you why a woman might flake out on seeing you again (ex re-enters the picture, mental health issues, family emergency).
But the biggest reason not to care isn’t because of some hypothetical.
Rather, because two people — even if there is no issue between them, and are both in the same romantic place — may just not be a great fit.
Understand:
You NEED to eliminate the idea in your mind that if someone doesn’t want to be with you, it is a sign there is something wrong with you.
Sure, introspect. There is always stuff to learn from missed connections.
But romantic success isn’t persuading every woman who dates you to like you.
It’s attracting the women YOU really want, so you can explore the most meaningful connections.
Even when you become excellent at dating, you will have first dates that will not turn into second dates.
The key is not forcing them out of ego, and letting them run their natural course.
And if you want help reforming your mindset, like my client?
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
