A little story from a client the other day:
He’s been dating this girl for a few months now. She’s attractive, sex is great… but she’s been starting to wear on him.
Because she’s a very, very anxious and needy girl.
They “have to” talk every night, often quite late.
She’ll have occasional “meltdowns” where she is stuck in her head, freaking out, for hours.
And because she’s refused to take responsibility for her own issues, he gets blamed when these meltdowns happen.
Not such a fun situation, I’m sure you can imagine.
Indeed, you’re probably wondering why he’s still in the relationship at all.
Well, it’s a good question.
And before we get into the meat of this email, I’ll tell you.
You see, contrary to what you might expect, I DON’T force guys to get out of relationships when they’re dysfunctional.
At least, not initially.
First, because it’s a futile argument when a guy is in love with a girl. He is not going to listen… why make him feel ashamed, and uncomfortable confiding in me?
But second, and tied to the above, because he has to learn a lesson from the girl.
This is something “average” coaches don’t get. They try to tell a guy what to do, rather than help him to understand things differently.
So when I see a client get into a rough situation with a girl, I don’t tell him to leave.
I tell him to PAY ATTENTION.
I throw a rope around his waist, hold onto it, and let him jump into the quicksand.
And then explain what is going on, so while he is in the morass, he can truly understand why she is acting the way she is, what he is doing to encourage it, and to bring enough awareness to the pattern so that he can BREAK IT.
Anyway, so this is more or less what happened with my client.
I knew from the moment she started dating this girl what she was going to do to him. And I told him. But I also told him to go in and EXPLORE it.
Because the truth is my client has his own issues that attracted this girl, and have (up until very recently) fed her unpleasant behavior.
He needed to be in this mess, and work it out, in order to transcend it in future relationships (and possibly, even transform this one).
You see, the girl was acting this way because my client has not had boundaries with women throughout his life.
He’s either pushed women away intensely, refusing to get close to them at all… or has become co-dependent with them, co-creating drama over tiny statements and various bullshit.
Gradually, this has stopped. He’s becoming more and more secure and emotionally level as a result of our work together.
But the big test came last week, because her behavior had truly gotten out of control. And it was time for him to lay down the law: she was going to respect his boundaries, or he was going to leave.
As you might expect, she tried her usual gaslighting and manipulation.
(His boundaries, of course, hurt her and didn’t make her feel loved)
But he pushed through it… and the result?
This lady has more or less changed overnight.
She apologized profusely. Is taking full responsibility for all of the drama and bullshit. And is even going to go see a therapist about it.
What’s the lesson in here gents?
Well, obviously that boundaries are really important.
But even more-so: that boundaries are necessary for women to keep their “crazy” in line. It’s something us men really don’t appreciate about women. But women REQUIRE a man’s strength and stability in order to regulate their moods.
This woman, of course, is not done being “crazy.” She’s got work to do. These things don’t change overnight.
But the rapid transformation in her behavior is because perhaps for the first time in her life, she has a guy who can help put BOUNDARIES on her own actions.
Women’s “tests” are really tests of boundaries.
What are you going to let her get away with?
Hopefully not too much.
Because the moment she senses weakness… the moment she senses that she can do whatever she wants…
Well, that’s the moment things get really bad.
Anyway, easy stuff to talk about doing.
Not so easy to implement.
Which is why you should consider working with me.
Wild women will fry your circuits if you’re not used to corralling them.
Changing your own behavior quickly and effectively requires not only objective, expert perspective, but someone who can also stabilize YOUR moods.
And who might provide that?
I think you know the answer.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
PS If you’re looking for something less hands-on and cheaper, the masterclass is available.