A reader writes in about a situation with his girlfriend (he is not a native speaker so feel free to scroll past for TL;DR below):
“Pat, I really appreciate your thought and your work and I would live an advice from you. I am in a LTR for almost two years, I started it as a needy beta, then I discovered the manosphere and started transitioning, approaching girls, spinning plates, etc.
And with her I started to be a real alpha, rejecting any disrespect, withdrawing my attention, and not being any needy since i started to feel abundance, I wanted to ask would that make her leave me because I started with her as a beta? Or would that make her want me even more?
I would love to get your opinion on this and an advice because the girl I am in a relationship is really a special one, she is well mannered and a good girl if I can say, I don’t want to lose her not because of needines, but she would make a good wife.”
——
I asked for some clarification about her behavior to date and received the following response:
She has me on phone block, but answers my texts and texts back, but I feel some disrespect.
We had a big fight the last week, I called her she was on wait and when I asked whom you were talking to, she lied and said she wasn’t on the phone, it was her first lie to me ever, I got really mad , I accused her of cheating and she wasn’t, so she got mad because I doubted her, and now everything is a mess, she got me blocked on phone calls, she responds with disrespect, as if she is mad at me or hurt, and honestly it is my first time not knowing what to do or how to act, and honestly I couldn’t find better than you for an advice
——
In short:
Our reader was “beta” with his girlfriend, learned some manosphere and advice and started dating other girls on the side, ignores his girlfriend. They start getting into fights, she lies to him, he accuses her of cheating, she blocks him from calling and now he needs advice.
Ok, there is a LOT going on here. And I am going to try to let our friend down easy…
This is good example of why I HATE on most manosphere aka “red pill” dating advice.
It is cookie cutter, black-or-white thinking that ends up making bad or even just “meh” situations WORSE.
Our friend had a good girl, but was maybe acting a bit weak.
Now he’s out cheating himself, ignoring her (which can feel like abuse to a woman), acting controlling…
It is NOT the sort of stuff that makes a relationship good.I want to make something very clear.
Something I’ve said before, but needs repeating again.
Avoidance is NOT alpha.
Playing games is NOT alpha.
Controlling a woman is NOT alpha.
It provides a temporary high, when you feel the woman who trusted you try to chase you… and then becomes a low, when that woman realizes what’s going on and wants out.
I’m not trying to pick on this guy, because I know his heart is actually in the right place. He is just following the advice of guys who talk like they know what’s going on.And maybe they do… but for THEIR goals not his.
You gentlemen need to understand:
You CANNOT follow the advice of just anyone who claims to be “good” with women. Because their definition of being “good” could be completely misaligned with your objectives.
For instance, the guys who play these games want only two things from their dynamics with women: fast sex, with as little emotional attachment towards these women as possible.
Which means you probably don’t want to listen to them when it comes to creating a happy relationship.
They are desire without the comfort. And a relationship needs both.
Anyway, I go into this in-depth in my course.
Not only covering “the red pill” pros and cons, the nature of attraction, but how to create the relationships with women you want based on YOUR objectives.
(Think of me teaching you the fundamentals of painting, with exposure to different “schools,” and helping you to decide which style aligns with you… rather than telling you “my way”)
– Pat
