A couple of days ago, I tweeted out the following:
The little comment got some interesting feedback. People were curious: what exactly did I mean?
Well, I will tell you my friends.
You see… whether it’s when a guy reaches out to me, or is in the process of working with me… at some point my clients ALWAYS find themselves in a situation with a girl they’re interested in.
And without fail, at first they’re struggling. They want to know WHAT to do… because of course, that’s the service most coaches provide.
The only problem?
They want to know “what to do” before they understand who they’re dealing with.
They’re looking to respond to surface actions, while ignoring the more crucial assumptions…
Like what her intentions are, or how stable she is.In other words…
Who this woman REALLY is.
They focus on the overt communication, while ignoring the subcommunication.
And so when I explain what’s going on “under the hood,” and tell them to do X or Y that seems very counterintuitive and risky… they often balk.
“Isn’t that going to blow everything up? What if she get’s angry? What if she doesn’t respond?”
All of which are very amusing fears to me.
Because these clients don’t realize that what I’m telling to them to do isn’t going to “create” a bad dynamic, or “make” the woman disinterested… It’s simply going to reveal what is ALREADY happening and who they ACTUALLY are.
It’s shedding light on her “game,” and indeed getting to the root of where the behavior comes from… which allows me to almost perfectly model what she is going to do next.In other words… peeling off the layers of said lovely lady’s facade, stripping her down to her bare, blushing skin.
Some find this skill incredulous to believe.
“There’s no way you’re this good at reading people, Pat”
Well, you can believe what you want.I admit even many clients don’t fully appreciate just how precise this predictive power until it is wielded in their favor:
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Pretty cool to know the future, isn’t it? But here’s the truth guys:
While as an ENTP, I do have natural gifts for this sort of “reading between the lines,” pattern recognition, and extrapolation…
The reason I am elite at this stuff is because I have 11+ years of experience paying attention to it.
And that’s just counting MY experience… let alone that of my clients, colleagues, and of course mentors.
It’s probably closer to 1000 years of studied dating and relationship experience in total.
Experience coupled with a decades of analysis, not only observing the patterns but getting to the heart of why they occur.
Why does this matter to you?
Because the deeper you go into a phenomenon’s causes, the better you understand and can predict the effects.
And because my goal as a coach isn’t to just “predict” these things for you, but to teach YOU how to predict them too.
Which is why, truth be told, I prefer the term “mentoring” rather than coaching when discussing the work I do.
Because I am not here to tell you what to do, I’m here to change how you THINK.
I want you to STOP needing me by the time we’re done together.
To move on.
To never experience the same dating or relationship problems again.
Capiche?
But in order to achieve that, I have to have higher criteria for who I work with.
Which is why, in the application process, I require clients be ACTIVE participants in their growth and learning… not passive consumers simply looking for directions.
Yes, this criteria affects the bottom line.
There are many more people looking to be led forever, rather than looking to become leaders in their own right.
But why work if you don’t enjoy it?
Anyway, you get the picture.
Apply here if you think you’re my kind of guy: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
