As I was sitting in the cafe, considering writing something completely different, a memory entered my head of a “botched” sales call I had nearly a year ago.
This was an interesting time for me — the biz was on the ascendence, but the fruits of this momentum were just shy from coming in.
And it was an interesting call, because unlike most prospective clients… this guy was someone I actually knew from real life — an acquaintance from college.
Shame then, that the call did not go so well.
Though I must accept my share of responsibility for this negative experience. I knew exactly what this guy was struggling with, and how to fix it… so when the guy balked at the price of the investment, I got annoyed… which led me to challenge him with a bit more combativeness than I’d like.
Not because, mind you, I’m annoyed when people are $$$$ conscious.
This is not only normal, it’s smart.
What frustrated me, rather, was his attitude.
You see, this guy went to an Ivy League school, and was working the standard post-Ivy League white collar job. While not as successful as he’d like, he had the means to invest more into his virtually broken social and romantic life.
But instead of thinking in terms of value and personal transformation, he thought in terms of hourly rate. And began comparing me, a lowly self-employed dating coach, to some corporate lawyer or doctor.
A silly metric for a couple of reasons.
First off I’ve worked the corporate gigs. Not going to go too much into this, but if you think “billable hours” is a cost-effective system focused on delivering value, I question either your sanity or integrity.
And while I won’t be quite so harsh with doctors, a visit is generally a handful of minutes with twice as much time waiting… usually to get a prescription for something you already knew you needed.
Not exactly the same as me challenging your negative, unconscious assumptions built up over decades… breaking down what you’re doing that’s fucking up your ability to attract women… and turning you into a different man.
But whatever.
The real issue is the focus from the outset on the price of a solution versus the cost of a problem.
Understand, this wasn’t a guy with a few issues that needed tweaking.
This was a guy whose love life was a mess.He didn’t understand the first thing about women, and was if anything getting worse as the years went on.
Meanwhile, his social group was diminishing rapidly.
Yet he was fixated on my “cost” instead of the cost of his life continuing to go this direction.
It’s pretty crazy when you think about it.
Comparing the the value of your emotional well-being, your ability to attract your future wife — to the hourly rates of a completely different industry.
I know, I know.
“It’s your job to sell him on the value.”
That is often the case, and it’s understandable, especially since I’ve been quite shit at collecting testimonials.
But this guy’s problem was more intractable.
Because he actually didn’t value his OWN life.
He was in his 30s and willing to spend less than a college kid on fixing his relationships.
Which is the tragic and ironic part of this business.
The people who need help the most are often the most resistant to getting it.
Looking back, there was practically zero percent chance of me selling this guy.
And if I had “worked with his price” (note: I never do this) he would have been the worst client in the world… because he placed too little value on changing to actually do the work.
My mistake was trying to convince him otherwise.
Honestly, I should have withdrawn the offer and told him we weren’t a good fit.
Because we weren’t.
He’s like most guys… not humble enough to really admit the gravity of their problems, and face them like men.
Anyway, why do I tell this tale?
To put some of you considering working with me on notice.
This was a year or so ago — back when I used to have a savior complex — which meant I’d put myself into all of your bullshit and try and rescue you.I don’t do that anymore.
My coaching is for people who want to get better, and know it’s on them to do the work.
I’ll be there for you as you struggle with the weight, to show you the right form, to spot you.
But I’m not lifting it for you.
I can’t.
I never could. Only YOU can do that. I can only show you the way… you have to walk it.
So if you fill out an application, obviously feel free to ask questions… but don’t come in with an attitude “qualifying” me, wondering “whether this works.”
It’ll work, if you do the work.
For those ready, go here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
