So the other weekend comi-con hit NYC, and I found myself at their official afterparty.
Full disclosure: I know absolutely nothing about comics.
Seen barely any superhero movies, the genre just doesn’t do all that much for me.
But, a friend of mine was at the main event, dressed up as “fat thor” (absolutely incredible outfit) and invited me to come out after… love the guy and figured it would be some good people watching, so I obliged.
We were one of the first into the bar, and so managed to grab a booth that was decked out with Mario Kart 64.
(Every bar booth had a different game system hooked up. Pretty solid decision considering the clientele, made mingling very easy as people would come over to play)
Anyway our group was having a fun time doing shots, playing an occasional race, catching up.
But there was one guy who confused a few of my friends.
He’d be hanging out with us, joking around, always smiling.
My friends wondered… did I know him?
Because he was pretty much apart of our group. And yet… they had never seen him before.
I replied no. But unlike them I wasn’t surprised by what was going on… though I was quite impressed by it.
This guy was acting as if he knew us, and so he felt like we did.
This guy was ROCKING my favorite technique in all of dating / social circle development: assumed rapport.
This guy’s energy was warm and friendly, he was absolutely not a nuisance whatsoever.
Which is why when I got us a round, I got him one too.
But the guy DID make a couple of big mistakes that I want you to learn from:
1) While he was friendly, he did NOT speak loudly or clearly.
The place was loud, the DJ was spinning some bullshit and we were near the speakers. That said he was the only person in the group who I couldn’t understand.
I don’t know if part of this is because he was not native-speaker (he was Chinese, not sure if naturalized american).But I couldn’t understand pretty much anything he said. I didn’t hear his name… no one did.
This is obviously a massive barrier to connection, because while he established himself as someone we were cool with having around… he was never truly welcomed into the group.
2) While his energy was generous, he was not.
I am perhaps a rare person in that I am very open, and doing what I do, impressed by guys who put themselves into situations like this.
So, seeing as I liked his vibe and admired his comfort around strangers, was happy to get him a round.
But speaking from a tactical perspective, if he was trying to get himself more ingratiated into the group… he should have bought US that round… or at least insisted upon reciprocating later on.
In contrast, later that evening he actually lingered a bit awkwardly, even expecting a shot when my friend got a round for the rest of us.
That in particular was a bad move. Because it seemed a tad entitled and reinforced him being outside of the group.
Starting to get the idea?
If you want to make friends when you go out, you’d be very wise to get drinks for other people.
It’s one of simplest ways to spread good vibes and ensure you are included in the group you target… because most people will be happy to get you a drink if you got one for them (especially a bunch of them).
Obviously, if the group is really large this might be tough for you.
In these cases, focus on the 1-3 people who you are vibing the most with… and do a round with them.
I can’t tell you how fast you can connect with people just from this little act of generosity.
One last example, while we’re on the topic:
A month ago I was in Los Gatos, CA… came to a bar after a wedding, some townie was in a bad place and started to make some negative comments about weddings.
Obviously the guy had a hard life, so I was very grounded and compassionate with him. He apologized, gave me a compliment, I thanked him and insisted upon buying him a drink.
The next 20 minutes this guy was going all around the bar telling people “I was the greatest guy he ever met.”
Now, the guy was drunk, of course. And clearly needed a little kindness in his life. I was able to play the role of his “good guy projection” (while most others were bad: case in point, he got into a fight with someone at the bar later that night lol).
Point is this though:
Even if it’s coming from a drunk guy, that’s good PR. And allows you an EASY opener to a girl.
Because the girl is going to look at you afterwords, there will be mystery around you… and you can use that to approach.
Her: “What did you do?”
Me: “Just bought him a drink. He’s a bit drunk… good guy though. What brings you here?”
I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve gotten over the years from this technique.
(There was one I chatted to a bit at the bar in Los Gatos that night after this occurred… who would have been VERY game if I was single and pursuing)
Anyway, now you know one of my superpowers.
If you want to learn the rest of them… and more importantly, learn EXACTLY when to use them for maximum effect…
(A technique is nothing without an understanding of situational context)
I’d recommend you apply here: www.patstedman.com/application