Shorter email today, since we’ve been getting a bit long-winded recently.
I was out saturday night with my wife, people watching at a local yuppie bar.
I haven’t sat out in such a place in awhile, so was good to remind myself what the vibe is like. Took me back BIG TIME to my “glory days” back in Philadelphia.
Groups of girls, groups of guys… all clustering in their respective areas… some gradually merging together as the inhibitions dropped.
Anyway, I noticed two guys who were doing something I used to do in my early years.
Something that to the nervous mind might make sense, but is really something you do NOT want to do.
What am I referring to?
The impulse to “move around the bar” to make it seem like you’re not a loser standing in one place.
I remember doing this a TON back in the day.
Moving through the crowd with my drink, ostensibly looking for opportunities… but as much trying to give off the impression that I was “looking for somebody.”
The only problem is that it doesn’t actually come across that way.
To be sure, most people probably won’t notice you at all.I pay attention to this stuff for a living, and know the patterns.
But the thing is, if people DO see you going past them time and time again… you’re not fooling them that you’re moving for a reason.
It looks WEAK.
Much better to pick a good spot, and STAND YOUR GROUND.
And to scan the room, digging for eye contact… even if you don’t approach.
You will look MUCH more confident staking out a position, and you are much more likely to have women and other people start conversations with you (so long as you are not buried in your phone or some dumb anti-social shit)
Resist the impulse to move around when you don’t know people.
Do it more than once or twice and you don’t look confident.
You look like you don’t belong anywhere.
Anyway, I hope you will heed the warning.
These guys certainly were not going to. When I spoke to them and alluded to picking up girls… they played dumb about their anxiety and lack of success in these situations.
“Oh yeah haha it’s great, it’s easy, just didn’t want to talk to her”
That’s the difference between people who suck in life and those who don’t:
Denial + Bravado vs Self-Awareness + Humility.
And it’s the reason that while I have a passion for working with guys… I know that my “crew” of clients will always be a unique and special bunch.
Because most guys are too proud to ever improve.
They’d rather look stupid for 20 years than admit they were bad at something.
Different strokes for different folks.
I admitted I was insecure and incompetent with women at 20, and now at 31 I have a beautiful wife and I have never been more confident.
In fact, each year keeps getting better than the one before.
Why you might ask?
Because I keep admitting to myself where I SUCK.
And I seek help from people who can help me… and pay them whatever it takes to get the problem resolved.
Different mindset from your average dude. Which is why it has much better than average results.
Anyway, the choice as always is yours. Keep kicking that can if you’re too afraid to change.
I simply present the opportunity to save time and pain: www.patstedman.com/application