In Defense of Rollo Tomassi

As many, if not most of you, know — I’ve had a long, not-so-cordial history with Rollo Tomassi.

Those who aren’t caught up can see an anthology of our history here, dating back to summer 2017:

This post will be the last one relating to him. My work is taking me in different directions, moreover with his banning from /TheRedPill reddit and from the 21 Convention, I no longer feel the full burden of making people aware of his narcissism and toxic ideology. I won’t pretend a corned rat isn’t dangerous, but there are enough high-character, large-platform men “unplugging” from his poison that his days are numbered.

Which is why I want to end this saga on a somewhat conciliatory note.

Rollo has been my biggest adversary in the dating and relationship field for the last 2 years.

And yet, I cannot say that I fully regret the work he has done with men… even though I have had to rehabilitate many from his toxic mindset.

This is not because — like some who have fallen out with him —I think while the man is flawed, his work is a substantial contribution to the field of male-female relationships.

It’s not. 

His ideas (various themes on hypergamy) are simple; his logic flimsy and self-justifying — he is the “Rationalizing Male,” if you will. Rollo has truly not had a new thought in 8 years, but he continues to write because writing about the evils of women is therapy for him. His material is not insight, it’s venting.

An example of Rollo’s logical prowess

And yet I have to admit it has its value.

Rollo Saves Men’s Lives

One of the things particularly annoying about sparring with Rollo is his legion of zombie-esq followers, who copy-paste his thoughts and @ him in every tweet, attacking me for violating his dogma (“purple pill” chief among them).

These guys are incapable of thinking about women on their own; they worship Rollo like a God. Tagging him is their way of seeking his recognition.

But one thing they’ve said always struck me.

“Rollo is saving men’s lives, what have you done?”

It was a good point, I had to admit.

I’ve transformed, I’ve improved, I’ve “leveled up” hundreds of lives (with many, many more to come)… but can I really say that I saved them?

Maybe, a handful. But even that would be generous. These men would have had unsatisfactory, even miserable lives… but they weren’t at any immediate risk of killing themselves.

But Rollo… Rollo has probably saved hundreds of men from suicide.

My work shows guys the path to a good life, to top-level relationships… to love.

His doesn’t.

(It actively inhibits it, in fact)

But my work doesn’t empower many men to the same degree when they have lost everything… when their entire lives have fallen apart, when they don’t know if or how to move forward.

And the reason is simple.

Energy, Vibration, and Mindset

Have you ever entered a room filled a bunch of people and felt uncomfortable? Like the air was tense and heavy? Or in contrast, you went to a different gathering and felt like it was fun and welcoming… and yet you had not said anything to anybody yet?

The difference between these two get-togethers is the energy of the people in the room.

People who have a negative energy give off a different vibration — literally a lower frequency. And this vibration affects their perception.

The lower your vibration, the more you are oriented towards scarcity, pain, and fear. The higher your vibration, the more you operate in abundance, bliss, and love.

Depending on where your baseline energy is on the spectrum (your vibration has a range of fluctuation) your attitude will change.

So in a certain sense, if you want to change your mindset, you have to change your vibration.

And how do you change your vibration?

Well, there are many practices… which we will not discuss in detail in this post.

(Don’t worry, it will come though)

But one of the key ways is to change who you’re surround by.

You’ve all heard the adage: “you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with”

Well, what this really means is you are the vibration of the five people you spend the most time with.

Which is the real value of coaching, by the way.

It gives you access to people not only with insights you lack, but with a higher vibration than you.

It’s an energy exchange.

But here’s the thing:

It is tough to make BIG steps on the energy scale.

Which is why Rollo and I, shockingly enough, are actually symbiotic animals in “manosphere” ecosystem.

While I work with middle and increasingly upper middle-vibration men, Rollo works with low-vibration ones.

Note I don’t say this with judgment. Everyone has their reasons for being where they’re at — many of us who are higher now were lower in the past. These are merely different experiences of life.

But these differences are a reality.

Rollo’s fan-boys are guys who were never particularly high, maybe low-average energy, but due to divorce-rape / heart-break have descended into a hellish energy level. Some have indeed descended so low to be contemplating suicide.

Rollo himself measures at the higher end of this low-energy spectrum, and his contribution is being able to meet these guys where they are at and raising them closer to where he is.

Like what I do with my clients, Rollo engages in an energy exchange.

He takes these guys from the bottom vibration of grief and apathy of and raises them to the higher (though not high) vibration of complaining, anger, and pride.

Now, some of you may be thinking… those aren’t really great emotions to be instilling in men.

But the truth is that what is good and what isn’t is relative to a person’s state.

From an energy perspective, moving someone from hopelessness to combativeness is a net positive. “Us vs Them” is better than “Everyone vs Me.”

The issue isn’t what Rollo does with men here, it’s what he does after.

Rollo The Cult Leader

I was interested while reading Frederick Dodson’s Levels of Energy (which crystalized many of the ideas you see in this post) to find that low level energy people are extremely susceptible to the entreaties of narcissists and cult leaders.

These people are so energetically fragile that they willingly attach themselves to those who can protect them from the dregs of self-destruction they previously existed in… someone who promises them power, superiority over others…

The only catch? Subservience to the leader who granted them this “core truth”… this “red pill.”

Which brings us to the real issue with Rollo.

It’s not that he makes these men angry, telling them truths about (low vibration) female nature.

It’s that he doesn’t want men to ascend beyond this vibration. In fact — he attacks men who try to as being heretics.

(An aside: I’ve said this in different terms in the past, but the red pill is a manual for how women on the low-vibration end of the spectrum act. It is the feminine shadow; a woman’s base nature. Higher-vibration women transmute and even transcend their hypergamy, at least as it is commonly understood — it is not the core guiding impulse of their behavior. If you don’t feel the truth of this yet, it’s a reflection of where you’re at — which is OK, but keep an open mind.)

You would think that if a guy were happy with his love life, this would be something to celebrate — even if he came across such an experience through someone else’s mentorship. Regardless you would definitely want a mentor who thinks this way — it subcommunicates abundance, which is the mindset all men need to have when it comes to women. Healthy, secure people don’t police people’s thought, they merely suggest other ways of looking at the world.

But Rollo doesn’t do this. For all his talk about women and their “mate-guarding,” Rollo’s modus operandi is “male-guarding” — warning guys about listening to other “gurus.”

Which is why you can tell he lives in a world of scarcity and is only in this corner of the internet for ego and control.

When a guy tells me he got a lot out of reading the Rationale Male, I don’t tell him he is wrong to think so. If he genuinely appears happy, I’m happy for him. He is likely a guy who can distill useful information and leave the rest (I know of no observably happy guys who have lingered on Rollo’s material).

But I noticed my vibration drop when reading the book, and have talked to numerous guys who were fucked by it… which is why I am cautious about recommending the book to people.

It might raise someone’s vibration, but it might also lower it… and could very well trap them there.

(I receive multiple messages every week from guys telling me that they fell into a toxic place because of his content)

Anyway, for all of the above… the truth is I pity Rollo.

Rollo tries to keep guys where he is at because he is afraid of what lies beyond it.

He is only teaching guys what he knows:

Fear.

Which is fair enough.

When these men are ready, there are others prepared to show them Love.

Conclusions: The Levels of Truth and Existence

The red pill teaches guys valuable lessons… but ironically, its biggest advocates miss the crucial one.

Yes, learning about the female shadow — hypergamy — is useful.

But the real lesson of the red pill is that low-vibration sexual dynamics suck, and life gets better when you escape them.

Down there it’s dog-eat-dog — you use women or they use you.

Unfortunately, people miss this because they don’t challenge the assumption that “this is how things are.”

They satisfy themselves with learning the rules of the game they have been playing, rather than deciding to play a different game.

And my friends… there are many, many different games you can play.

Don’t get so hung up on what is “the truth.”

The truth is that different things are “true” depending on where you’re at.

Some people will misconstrue this as relativism. And yet it both is and isn’t.

Yes, there is an absolute truth… which is that truth manifests differently at different energy levels — this is why sophisticated thinkers embrace rather than attempt to reconcile dissonance. Paradoxes exist everywhere.

For example:

When you are low-vibration (Rollo crowd and feminists) you are stuck in victim-perpetrator dynamics, your aim is to extract sex / attention and gain control over the opposite sex.

When you enter middle-vibration (most of the day game guys, your average bored girl) you start to have net-positive energy exchanges where sex and seduction are the focus, but both parties have fun and enjoy the escape. The higher levels of this place emphasis on psychological connection (you enter Tier 2 relationship dynamics here)

As you ascend past this, however, sex accumulation loses its prominence — relationships become very emotionally focused, more like soul connections (not to be confused with low-vibration fantasies about “soul mates” — I am referring to stable, deep, intimate relationships with substantial communication and mutual understanding). This is not to say that sex isn’t regular, passionate, or important but the relationship doesn’t center around it, positively or negatively. Sex is derivative.

Understand at these higher levels if you try to operate in a red pill dynamic you will lose your woman, who will not be impressed by your “games” but will pity you. She will sense your need to control… and correctly interpret it as a form of weakness.

Which is why different experts advocating different approaches may each be correct; you need to calibrate their truth based on the sort of dynamics they intend, and listen to the ones who provide what you are looking for.

The “blue pill” for instance, is correctly labeled as dangerous advice for men, because it is (loosely) a form of relationship dynamics that only works in couples with high levels of consciousness. Generally this promoted behavior is abstracted from the original intention and mentality of those who lived it. Which is why when the mainstream advocates it among low vibration or low-average vibration people (the masses) it leads to a collapse in attraction for the male.

The “red pill” is the antidote for people at this level.

For higher vibration men, however, the “red pill” is not wisdom — it is poison to any sort of desirable relationship.

Such men don’t want some anxious-attached slave, they want a woman who also has high energy and will push him to new levels of integration. At this level it’s not about power and control it’s about truth and love. Mistaking the behavior of these different vibrations and their respective objectives is why people talk past each other on Twitter.

Anyway, I think you get the idea.

I am grateful to Rollo for his role in the manosphere ecosystem and for providing me a position in it via contrast. He may not realize it but his fixation on his dogma is the reason my business took off. He left an enormous hole in the market for guys who wanted higher vibration dating and relationships. Indeed, he is the reason I have become the foremost coach in this area for men.

So if you are reading this Rollo, thank you.

As for the rest of you, if you haven’t gotten on my email list yet, go here: www.patstedman.com/optin

(It’s shorter versions of stuff like this 4x per week)

And if you’re really ready to level up your energy (and your women), apply to work with me here.

– Pat