One of the most common questions I get:
What’s the best way to “open” a girl? Should I go direct or indirect?
I get the reason for it. Guys are always looking for the “how” when it comes to dating. Which is why I wrote about this choice extensively in a blog post years back.
But there is in fact another layer to this most guys don’t discuss.
For instance, everyone knows that direct approaches are more difficult. You are expressing your desire pretty much off the bat… there’s a big risk of a bad reaction. They are thus almost always reserved for “advanced” players.
Newbies prefer situations where they can approach a girl indirectly… talk to her about something innocuous, and then gradually ease their way into showing their interest, pacing her own investment.
But why? Why are direct approaches so tough for most beginners?
Some say it’s about experience in the situation. And I won’t deny there’s an aspect of this — but it’s not the main reason.
Truth is that there is a significant cadre of men who are quite good at moving an interaction forward AFTER the initial approach. It’s only the approach that is terrifying for them.
These guys are funny, charming, witty… no real problem being interesting conversationalists.
So what’s the story with this beginning? Why the need for training wheels?
I will tell you, my friends.
These guys don’t know how to manage tension.
You see, a direct cold approach is tough because you are creating an enormous amount of tension from the very beginning.An amount of tension that most guys simply cannot swim in.
They stammer, they act disjointed.And the woman senses this lack of comfort in this sea of energy, and since this is also uncomfortable for her, she extricates herself from it.
In contrast, indirect approaches create less tension at the outset, and they allow a gradual, “natural” increase… one that the guy feels a bit more comfortable handling.
Which is why they are more “beginning friendly,” since most new guys don’t know how to handle the tension.
But long term it’s a problem.
Because it’s the ability to handle tension that determines your frame as a man.
Let me let you guys in on a secret:
Tension is little more than excess energy coursing through your body.
The question is simple: does it control you, or can you channel it?
Guys can spend all day larping like dumb fucks about what is “alpha” but the answer is quite simply.
The guy who has the frame is always the one that can handle the most energy.
Who can manage and direct it most effectively.
And the guys who can’t?
They’ll never really be able to get “it”… or the women they want.
Which is why I don’t take the theoreticians on twitter seriously.
Most of these guys are neurotic and obsessed with THINKING about women.
Instead of FEELING the trajectory of the interaction.
Now, does the intellectual material matter?
Of course.
(Though ironically even most of the “thinkers” have a one-dimensional view of this stuff…)
But if you really want to take your love life to the next level you need to master your comprehension of both.
How women operate, and how to respond accordingly.
But also how to cultivate and leverage the ENERGY present in a romantic situation.
The good news for you?
I teach my clients both.
So they intellectually *and* instinctually know how to attract and keep the women they want.
No, it ain’t cheap.
But it is comprehensive.
If you want to close the chapter on this problem, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
