I saw a girl carrying a bag with this description on my way to the cafe this morning.
You see a lot of such things in NYC.
“No judgment”
“Accept everyone”
“Hate has no home here”
Dangerous things to write, if you ask me.
Not because I support “hate” or being mean to people (whatever).
I am simply a student of human behavior… and know that those who claim to judge the least are ones who do it the worst.
For instance, if I told that girl “I don’t think judging people is always a bad thing,” she’d hate me. Get vicious, maybe attack me… for being “judgmental.”
Out of the frying pan into the fire.
The best of us aren’t any better at our core, we just know how bad we can be.
Which is why self-awareness is everything if you want to be a good, or indeed a great person.
(And why I provide the superpower to my clients in spades… FYI)
But more on this later…
First I want to talk about the girl herself.
You see, this girl was a sad piece of work.
Cute and thin, with sandy blonde hair. But emotionally worn-down like each day was a new abuse and humiliation for her. She looked on the verge of tears.
(Wearing a hipster blouse, beige pants and combat boots, if it helps paint the picture.)
My guess is this girl doesn’t like her job… but the real thing wearing on her is her social life.
She’s probably got a lot of toxic friends. People with the usual mental illnesses that pass for “normal” and “destigmatized” in 2019.
And these people, with all of their problems, compound daily on her own issues… which I can only guess are in the multitudes.
Evidently, social boundaries are a trigger for her.
Was she abandoned by an old friend for being a “bad influence?”
We’ll never know… but we can guess her story enough.
Wearing a bag that says you “don’t filter people” is an invitation for bad people to enter your life.
And moreover, for good people to stay away.
Let me tell you a tale about yours truly:
A couple years ago — 2015-16 to be exact — I lost about 75% of my friends.
I’ll let the smart ones among you do the inferencing as to why.
But suffice to say a HUGE number of people that I had invited into my social world, laughed and joked with, threw big parties for, etc. either disappeared or straight-up disowned me.
I won’t lie, it was traumatic.
But the truth is… I deserved it.
I had brought people into my life for the wrong reasons, under the wrong criteria, and suffered the consequences.
I wanted to be friends with these people not because they were “my people”… but because I wanted as many people as possible to like spending time with me.
It wasn’t apparent at the time, but most of the men and women in my life were only around transactionally… under a fake dynamic I had cultivated.
I was collecting admirers and sycophants, and expecting loyalty from them.
Big mistake. A mistake this girl hasn’t yet learned from, per her appalling apparel.
You need to filter people out unless you want to be fucked over by them.
Learning to read people is crucial in life. Discernment of others’ intentions is everything.
But here’s a secret most people don’t know.
The more insecurities you have, the less you will be able to discern the lack of quality in others.
The reason being: these broken people are selling what you are buying.
Thus if you want validation, for instance, you will unconsciously overlook why someone might be so keen on providing it.
Scary stuff, t’isn’t it?
Tis.
And not just because you might lose some friends if you miss it.
You might lose your house, since your wife was harboring demons you never noticed.
Or your business, because your biz partner wasn’t quite the man you thought he was.
Starting to get the picture?
Most of you suck with women not only because you can’t read them, but because you don’t know your own intentions.
You are literally the cause of your problems with women.
But there is good news.
You are also the solution.
You just need a little “refining”… some transforming of your mindsets.
How to do this?
Years of running in circles, maybe seeking therapy…
Or a couple of months working with me.
I’ve hesitated making this claim in the past, since I’m not a licensed therapist.
And not all therapists are obviously created equal.
So let’s not call this a “promise.”
But it’s been a bit surreal to see guys who have been in therapy for as long as a decade have unknown issues that I’ve shifted in a call or two… and pretty much resolved in a few months.
Maybe it’s because of the specialized nature of my work.
Or maybe because I’m just special.
Regardless…
If you want to kill your limiting beliefs and eliminate your social weaknesses, apply here:
www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS Check out this older post of mine on why it’s ok to ditch old friends
