I tweeted this out last week, and it got a lot of feedback… some enthusiastic, others confused.
I frankly don’t blame people for the latter, seeing as I was extremely drunk when I wrote it.
(Sum 41 concert, give me a pass)
At any rate, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what I meant when I composed this cryptic content.
You see… there’s a reason why people talk about a “dead bedroom” as the prelude to a dead relationship.In relationships, sex is a barometer of the intimacy.
If you’re having sex — particularly good sex — there’s attraction. And when there’s attraction there’s hope.
(Read: The 2 Sources of Relationship Conflict)
But while sex is a leading indicator of a connected relationship, it’s actually just a symptom… a strong one *most* other problems are downstream of… but one that can be misleading (more on this in a moment).
You see, little to no sex, or bad “starfish sex” tends to create resentment in one or both parties (especially the man).
Which leads to passive aggressiveness and other silly spats.
In other words, a bad sex life cascades, almost universally creating additional problems and tension across the rest of the relationship.
But what about the “bad relationships that only endure because of sex”?
Equally true, paradoxically.
Because many couples with insecurities, anxiety (especially among the woman), and personality incompatibilities will use sex as a way to get validation and “feel better.”
Which means that their relationships are filled with drama and craziness… but also tons of sex. Because sex is how they plaster over the problems.
Different, er, amount of strokes for different folks.
The only thing my tweet didn’t capture?
While sex is a leading indicator of such things in BOTH directions, it’s not the fundamental cause.
Because even in the former case… not getting sex has to do with YOU and your mindset.It’s an inability of you to tap into your masculine energy.
And it’s likely a product of you unconsciously wanting the woman to desire you… rather than vice versa.
Deep-seated issues my friend.
Ones that more or less guarantee your sex life will never be top-tier.
The solution?
Two parts:
You must rewire your mind.
People like to talk about “alpha,” but being a man is operating from a position of desiring, not being desired. Most of your internet alpha’s don’t get this, they’re still trying to “negotiate desire” — this time just by ramping up their own desirability and control, and then creating implicit threats.
THIS IS NOT THE WAY OUT OF THE WILDERNESS.
You must rewire your woman’s mind.
The reason many women don’t respond to your advances isn’t just because of you. It’s because of them. You need to make THEM become more secure and feminine, leaning into their desirability… so that they can feel comfortable being taken.
This last point is crucial.
And yet, unfortunately… to not be modest in the slightest… I haven’t seen a single guy in our twitter corner get even close to addressing this…
With the exception of me.
Most learn how to pretend to be masculine, some actually learn how to embody it.
But none “get” how to psychologically game their woman… healing her, raising her self-esteem… and making her want to become feminine.
The reason being?
You have to be able to get into *your* woman’s mind, not some generic woman.
Structural, biological “attraction” doesn’t cut it.
You need to go deep.
Which is my speciality.
Rewiring your mind… and showing you the mind of your woman, so you can rewire her.
Are all attempts to change her successful?
No.
It’s brain surgery in more ways than one.
But if you want to give it your best shot…
Apply here:
www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
