A good friend of mine sent me an article the other day.
One which I very much enjoyed reading… though it didn’t surprise me much.
The gist?
The idea that “80% of women are sleeping with 20% of guys” is garbage.
Now, I don’t know how this idea got so much traction.
All you have to do is be friends with women and talk to them, and you’ll realize this isn’t true.
(Indeed… the idea that “most girls are sluts” isn’t true either and even many of the ones who are “sluts” are a grey area)
But while I’ve been saying this stuff for years to the hombresphere… since it doesn’t fit the grievance narrative, a good number of these lost boys rejected it.
And yet, I guess I can see why.
If you’re disposed to think of women as only going after Chad, you’re only going to take notice of the girls who are sleeping around with these guys.
The only problem is when you do this… you ignore the rest of the women out there who aren’t engaging in this behavior.
You see, maybe 20% of girls are true-blue “sluts”. They sleep with most guys who are cute and pay them attention (and if the circumstances call for it, any guy who pays them attention).
Then you have maybe another 20% who let loose, and have a few more notches than normal.
And then 40% who are more or less average. Not virgins, but these women haven’t had many partners or at least not many sexual experiences.
(These latter girls are girls who might sleep with 1-2 different guys a year, with less than 5 experiences per annum. In my opinion, it’s tough to call these women who have such little sex sluts.)
And then there are the virgins or close to it (depending on age) — making up the remaining 20%.
What you notice when you look at this is that something like 80%-90% of collective female n-count comes from the top 40% of promiscuous women; 60% from the top 20%.
They are the ones who skew the metrics.
The distribution for men is similar, but like all statistical differences between men and women… more extreme.
You have maybe 10% of guys who absolutely clean up with women. Followed by 20% who manage to hook up relatively well.
In the middle there are about 40% who have had maybe 1-2 girlfriends and maybe a one night stand. They don’t have much control over their dating life, but things have fallen into their laps.
Followed by the bottom 30% who are effectively virgins or close to it.
The result of this interplay is 30% of guys sleeping with 50% of women, but with many of these women virtual incels with the exception of a once every year or so fling.
A skew that puts guys at the top and the bottom of the # of partners-curve, with a clustering of women at above average.
And as you can see, the article reveals more or less exactly that.
Now, a bit of a discrepancy and my analysis of this data vs theirs.
The author takes the claims of the study too far, to the point where he uses sophistry to try and dismiss the existence of hypergamy (“it’s not about what women desire, it’s what they do”).
Sorry, but a more charming, successful, and physically attractive man pursuing your woman is a definite risk. So while I don’t believe Preselection and Persona necessarily trump the connection in Personality… your woman is definitely likely to experience some conflicting emotions if you are not on your game. Her having the values to not act on this impulse isn’t a reflection of a lack of hypergamy, like a man not cheating on his 40 year old wife with the 20 year old nanny who is expressing interest isn’t a reflection of his lack of desire for younger, prettier women.
Further, in contrast to my observations, the study shows that in fact there are more female virgins in the school than men… and uses this information to infer that deselected males really don’t much exist.
This is a bad inference, in my perspective. The data doesn’t surprise me in a high school setting, but once the girls escape from daddy’s presence and go to college… this dynamic will almost certainly flip. Indeed I’ve seen plenty of graphs showing that more women are having casual sex today than men (this wasn’t always the case!)… and that matches up with experience.
Almost all women can have a casual sexual encounter if they want it, and cultural taboos which used to prevent this have eroded. So on a long enough timeline, most women lacking any other modes of intimacy will decide to try it… even if only occasionally.
In contrast few men have the luxury of sex on command.
It takes skills… an attitude.
In other words, the stuff I teach my clients.
Look, it doesn’t matter where you are now… if you find it challenging if not downright impossible to attract beautiful women.
You can learn.
When I was 20 years old I’d have panic attacks if I went into a place where attractive women were hanging out.
I didn’t know what to say to them. I felt like they were above me.
I can’t relate to that feeling at all today. Meeting and connecting with new people is effortless, and if I wasn’t already married to a beautiful woman… I’d have no problem attracting another one.
What caused this transformation?
Well, I certainly put the work in. It was my biggest focus for years.
But the real game-changer was mentorship from guys who really got it.
So if you’re not happy with your dating life or relationships with women… you need to ask yourself.
How much do you want things to be different? What are you willing to do to change?
If you’re like most guys, you won’t do anything. And you’ll watch the years slip by… until you settle for whatever woman decides to settle for you (if you’re lucky).
If you’re like me and my clients, however…
You’ll take action.
You’ll work with someone who “gets it.”
And you’ll transform from a guy who lives based on fear and scarcity… to a guy who lives on love and abundance.
From a guy who doesn’t know what to do when he meets a pretty girl… to a guy who always knows what to do.
Apply here if you want to change yourself: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
