Time to be honest:
I’m an ENTP, which as those of you who know the type know… one thing that is very natural for me is to argue against things I think are stupid.
(Yeah I know, annoying… but I’m much better than I used to be, I promise)
Anyway, it’s a very unfortunate thing especially when dating women.
Since women tend to do stupid things.
(am I right men?)
OK, let’s be real though… even “thinking” women are women, and their emotional needs are based around stuff that us guys don’t think about.
I don’t like to bring my phone to my internet-free cafe.
Because, chances are at some point in the difficult process of crafting these delicious content-sausages for you… I’m going to decide to “just check” twitter for a little dopamine hit, and end up wasting like 15-20 minutes reading self-improvement platitudes or other weird shit.
Not having my phone by me means that when I get “bored,” I refocus and get more done.
It allows me a consistent 3-4 hours of deep work each day.
But my wife doesn’t really like it, cause if there’s an emergency she wants to be able to reach me (something that happened in the past to her).
So I get it. Kinda.
But to me it’s a cost-benefits thing, and the off-chance that she actually really needs to get ahold of me doesn’t outweigh the on-chance that I’m gonna fuck around at some point in a 4 hour deep work session if I have internet.
So, there is a zero percent chance I am going to start bringing my smartphone over here.
Problem is… I made the mistake of arguing with her about it.
Which didn’t accomplish anything but make a minor complaint into a bigger fight.
(don’t worry friends, nothing came of it)
But, I want you to learn from my mistake… one I make rarely these days, but still slip up with on occasion, as the other day evidenced.
Don’t waste time arguing with your woman.
This in fact applies to everybody, but the reasons arguing is stupid with most people is the same reason it’s REALLY stupid with your woman.
Because feelings don’t care about your facts.
My wife, for instance, cares of course that my business is successful… and gives me plenty of space… but in the moment, emotionally, what she cares more about is that I care about her.
So when she says “well, how can I reach you if something happens?” and I say “well just come to the cafe”… to her, this is me communicating that I don’t care if something happens to her.
Which is RIDICULOUS.
But that’s how it feels to her.
It’s a lack of comfort.
I handled it poorly by attacking the complaint on logical grounds, and getting annoyed.
What I should have done is ignored the complaint, addressed the emotion (ex: joked), and continued operating as normal.
(and on my own time, gotten a dumb phone — which I was planning to anyway — which would allow both of our needs to get addressed)
Anyway, I don’t think I’ve met a guy who hasn’t done this stuff.
Problem is most:
– don’t realize they’re even doing it
– don’t know how to handle it afterwords
Fortunately for you?
I will make you understand both.
So that you can do it a lot less.
And recover seamlessly, like yours truly, when you do make such communication errors.
(Hint: handling the aftermath of this improperly is far worse than screwing this up…)
Apply here if you want to level up your mastery of women: www.patstedman.com/application