So on Saturday I talked about some problems with online dating.

And why I’m not a big fan of it for most of you.

But remember… you are talking to Pat “There’s Nuance To This” Stedman.

As you might expect, there are exceptions.

The first is if you’re just looking for “no strings attached” sex.

If this is your aim, online dating can be a great thing.

People are “prescreened” for interest in hooking up… so if they’re attracted to you, you can cut right to the chase.

In the past it was much more difficult to get this sort of clarity on someone’s intentions.(You’d have to go to certain “known” locations at certain times… and bars were the most tame of these)

The only catch?

You’ve got to be good looking.

If you’re a very attractive guy and you’re looking for casual sex, online dating makes it more or less effortless.

(Though let’s be real — if you knew even some basics in real life, it wouldn’t be that hard either)

And if you’re above average looking, it can still be a worthwhile medium.

The issue is that you are going to most likely batting beneath what you could get in the real world.

And if you’re average or below average in looks?

Online dating is probably the worst thing you can do from a time or self-esteem perspective.

Because you are making your biggest weakness your leading pitch.

And that doesn’t tend to work out so well.

So, TL;DR — online dating is a medium that caters towards looks and quick sex.

So if those aren’t your objectives… best to look elsewhere.

Although if you’re looking for love online, there is another exception…

Though it’s something I’ve heard little talked about.

Concentrate all your attention on girls who have only recently joined the app.

Look, I’ll be honest — despite my antagony for online dating, I know people find Tier 1 girls on it.

My wife and I are close to at least two couples who met online, who are now-married perfect pairings.

But there’s one thing about their stories and those of other similar couples that’s consistent.

They were one of the first people they dated on the app.

Understand — these people weren’t spamming dates, or at least, didn’t have the chance to.

Because within the first 5 people they dated from the site (generally first or second) they found themselves a great pairing, and got off.

Now, you might be saying to yourself…

“But Pat, how can I guarantee that I’ll find someone I connect with so quickly?”

Well, you can’t guarantee anything actually.

But the biggest problem with online dating is how it progressively desensitizes you from connecting with women.“

Getting access” by swiping takes any real investment out of the equation; it’s instant gratification — like porn.

The result being that, like porn, the more you stay on the site, the less “responsiveness” to the material you have.

Like porn-addicts, what you need to get off goes from the vanilla to the unreasonable.\

Or in the case of online dating — you spend more time on the app to get a drip of validation, but are less likely to take any action on it.

Which is why I have a recommendation to those of you who DO want to try online dating.

First: don’t make it the only way you are trying to meet women.

And second: don’t date women who have been on the app more than 3-6 months.In fact, really only target women who have recently joined in 1 month or less.

Because they aren’t yet jaded and numb.If a girl’s been on Tinder for 3 years you have a 99% likelihood of her being damaged goods.

And of wasting your time even trying to get her on the date.

I know, I know.

Sage advice.

But it’s also general advice… which means that it’s going to be imprecise to your situation.

Truth is that some guys I encourage and help them with online dating. Others I have stay away from it entirely.

And not only due to the variables I mentioned above.

Each of you have different gifts and circumstances, and your ideal approach to dating needs to consider all of these.

Which is why I do the work I do with clients.

It’s not cookie-cutter.

It’s high-end. Bespoke.

A personal retainer with weekly calls and daily access to me for months.

And the guarantee that if you show up and do the work, you will see your social and dating life transform.

No, the coaching isn’t for everybody.

It’s will at times be very painful… since it will force you out of your comfort zone, and address self-sabotage you’ve likely been hiding from.

But if you want to get to the next level not only with women, but with yourself…

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat