It goes without saying there is an enormous amount of debate within the dating world about “how to attract women.”
Everybody’s got a different philosophy.
Some swear by game, and think it’s a requirement to get women. Some believe you need to have a ripped body and fat wallet. And still others believe things “just happen” when it comes to romance — it’s chemistry, it’s chance — no effort on anyone’s part required.
There’s a reason for these differences.
They’re all right… depending on the woman and the context.
As you should know by now, there are three pillars of attraction: preselection, persona, and personality. But while they each matter, the emphasis you put on each pillar determines the dynamic with the women you’re with.
For instance, game is essential in some situations and to attract some women. But it’s unnecessary (or even counterproductive) to lean on it heavily in others.
It all depends on the energy and what sort of woman you’re looking to attract.
Now, most men are at least somewhat aware of what they’re looking for with women. It goes without saying there is a big jump between wanting to collect notches and wanting a girlfriend.
But in between these extremes is a lot of grey area.
And it’s in these grey areas that men find themselves stuck.
Understand: the women you’re drawn towards are the women you’ll get.
And if you’re drawn to different women than you think you want (cause you’re lying to yourself), then you’ll get women who disappoint.
Which is why I’ve developed the 5 Tiers of Women system.
It’s a barometer for the types of women you’ve oriented yourself to, and explains what you should do if you’d like to change / amplify your outcomes.
Let’s begin, starting at the bottom.
Tier 5: “The Superficial” Girls
Let’s call a spade a spade.
A Tier 5 woman is a target for one reason and one reason alone: looks.
Your attraction for each other is based purely on the superficial — on preselection.
Tier 5 women only want you for physique, status, wealth (or drugs). Little else is required, which means little connection beyond this veneer exists.
Attractive or powerful guys can date Tier 5 women easily. Elite performers, promoters, and of course, pimps, have such orbiting women around them all the time. It’s also the stuff many Tinder dates are made out of, when a girl is just looking for sex with an attractive guy.
You know a girl is Tier 5 when she knows nothing about you except that you’re attractive or high status… and yet she’s down for sex.
Both parties are using each other, and the connection is based on mutual extraction.
Game works on these women, but it takes a very particular type of game, mostly based on deception and negs.
You’ll have to manufacture how important you are, and if you’re deficient in this, make up for it by talking to the girls as if they are less valuable than they think.
A lot of classic PUA game was like this. And guys continue to do this a lot at clubs.
Bottle service, skipping lines, etc…
They know if they check these “preselection” boxes sufficiently and act cocky the golddiggers will do the rest for them.
Same goes if you’re trying to game sugar babies. You need to lock your impression as a “high-status / wealthy man” down or she won’t even consider you.
This Tier of dating is as close to prostitution as it gets.
Sex is often “porn like” in this tier… but many guys going after girls like this (who don’t really want this, only think they “should” due to culture) often can’t even get it up, so disconnected is their body from the experience.
I don’t help guys date this tier of women. And if they’re stuck in it, I help them to stop.
Tier 4: “The Seduced” Girls
Tier 4 is similar to Tier 5, but somewhat less superficial.
While Tier 5 emphasizes an exchange of assets, Tier 4 is an exchange of emotions.
In this Tier, you need to create a connection between you and the girl… albeit only a temporary one, based on diversion / escape. There’s no deeper chemistry, but there is fun. This is the Tier that plays the most into a girl’s emotional fantasies.
Most hardcore PUAs find themselves focused on Tier 5 girls, since these girls are often quite attractive (at least, in a fake kind of way) and pump up their ego the most. But some of the less hardcore ones aren’t just about notches, but the art of seduction. They will pick up a girl on the street or at a coffee shop and escalate quickly, with the intention of taking her home.
These guys are focused on Tier 4 girls. They still just want no-strings-attached sex, but they want to participate more actively in the acquisition of it.
It’s a focus on Persona vs Preselection.
Strong game is required for Tier 4 girls because there’s no other reason to for them to like you. You might not look that great. There’s no serious status tells. And it’s usually obvious there’s no deeper chemistry.
It all hinges on making her enjoy her experience enough with you that she wants to be impulsive and have sex.
(Read: How To Approach A Girl)
Now understand… there is a context to these girls. They are generally hooking up with you because their lives are boring, they’re too inexperienced to understand you’re a player, or they’re on the rebound.
Most modern girls will find themselves open to a Tier 4 hook up at some point in their lives, but it’s not a normal state of being.
You know a girl is Tier 4 when she would sleep with you that night, but won’t return your texts the next day.
Hook ups are thus almost always one night stands. You are not “joining” her life… you are an escape from it. No one else will probably even know about you.
Sex with these girls is thus hit or miss. Some women close up because they’re insecure, others will really get into it since they don’t have any inhibitions around a stranger.
Day game and bar game work well on Tier 4 girls. These are really just normal girls who, if you make them charmed and turned on, will sleep with you. You’re catching them at the right time and creating the right fantasy for them. A warning: it’s not uncommon that these girls have boyfriends, though generally long distance ones.
I’ve hooked up with girls in this tier, but it’s really not my preference, nor something I try to teach clients.
Tier 3: “The Fling” Girls
Tier 3 is the mid-point of the tier system, and is where transactionality starts to become less of factor… and the dynamics become more deep.
These are girls who you have some connection with — much more than the role playing of a Tier 4 girl. But not enough to ever consider going out with.
The main things about these girls is that you’re attractive to each other and they trust you.
Think of a girl who you met on Spring Break, and spent the week hooking up with… but now only stays in touch by “liking” your’ stuff over social media (maybe she reaches out when she’s traveling and in the area, maybe not).
Or a girl in your social group who you’re “friends” with, flirt with casually… and who after her break up, wants a rebound… and comes to you.
These are girls who enter your circle, even if only in a certain environment… and you get along with them enough to trust them… but you don’t have deeper chemistry or compatibility. Things will happen between you two only when there’s a situational reason.
Hook ups with girls in this tier come and go based on the seasons of your lives. You’re playing a diversionary role with her than a serious one.
In Tier 3 dynamics you don’t really go on dates, unless you’re in town on a one-off… and this is really just foreplay — an act — for what you both know is coming. Sex is usually pretty good, because it’s exciting yet safe enough to allow a release of inhibitions. There’s a bit of intimacy but not too much — can’t catch feels. More like a friend-with-benefits than a lover.
The drama in Tier 3 dynamics emerges when one party wants the fling to continue, or to increase in frequency. This drama is usually just a temporary result of sex bonding, however — neither party ever really expects it to go anywhere. Generally it ends when one party in the dynamic meets someone else or moves.
You can tell a girl is Tier 3 when you trust each other, yet are unable to have conversations that extend beyond the playful and superficial.
“Vacation flings” are almost always Tier 3 girls. They’re fun for a time and place, but they’re not serious.
Guys who lack scarcity mindsets towards women, and tend to have a lot of female friends they casually flirt with will usually end up with Tier 3 offerings from women.
(Indeed: it’s a reason I show my guys how to have great social lives)
This is an enjoyable Tier, but if you’re oriented here you’re unlikely to find yourself a great woman. Your dating life may not be superficial, but it’s not deep either. A lot of “cool guys” in college, etc. end up blowing through women in this tier.
Tier 2: The “Lover” Girls
As you can see, the bottom 3 tiers of attraction are all based on non-personality factors.
Tier 5 is based on looks, money, and fame.
Tier 4 is based on game and seduction.
Tier 3 is based on reputation and popularity.
But Tier 2 is where things start to get more serious.
These are girls who you have chemistry with, and you genuinely enjoy spending time with. There’s no core situational element to your connection with these girls — you could meet them at any time and fall into a romance with them. And there is generally a phenomenal component to this attraction as well.
And yet… Tier 2 women are also not perfect fits for you, and at least one of you knows this very early on if you’re being honest. You can have intimacy over a long-period of time with a Tier 2 girl… many people who lack options (most people) even fall into relationships with them.
(Indeed, many marriages that end up as divorces were Tier 2 relationships that both parties foolishly tried to make work. Pro-tip: don’t do this)
But Tier 2 girls at best can only make average long term relationships.
They dynamic is still disproportionally based on Persona rather than Personality.
Understand, while there is a Personality component in a Tier 2 dynamic… you are not showing the full breadth of who you are to a woman at this Tier.
Because to do that would reveal a lack of compatibility between you.
Tier 2 dynamics are thus fundamentally based on a semi-conscious fantasy.
You open up about yourself, your past, experiences that defined you…
But they are revealed in the context of crafting a more advanced persona, a deeper seduction.
A Tier 2 dynamic is thus intimate, but never fully emotionally committed. To the extent there is any commitment in these relationships, it is implemented out of fear (generally of being alone).
You get to know a person but they never give themselves fully to you. And you never give yourself fully to them.
Most briefs relationships (<1 year) and more serious flings are Tier 2.
Like in the earlier Tiers, both parties are still using each other… but on a deeper, more intimate level.
Which is why Tier 2 dynamics often involve girlfriend-like dates.
You use each other to play the role of a lover, to give each other masculine and feminine energy, romance, and sex.
Tier 2 relationships can teach you a lot about the heart of women… as well as about yourself. Advanced seducers play in this space, and apply psychological game here. Many do not simply fuck girls’ bodies, but their souls.
And yet, you are still mostly just providing her a fantasy, which details of each girl aside, is “plug and play.”
Which is why it is quite common to date multiple Tier 2 girls at the same time.
Tier 2 girls are relatively easy to find. You can generally meet 1-2 a month in a big city if you are putting in moderate effort. Attracting them requires you to really lean on your intuition. A Tier 2 girl and you will click pretty well in your first date. There will be sexual tension, but also more than that — a connection.
(Read: How To Handle a First Date)
Tier 2 girls are as real as you can get if you’re dating casually. Indeed, the #RomanticRedPill movement orients most of their game towards these girls. In order to develop the intimacy, you will rarely try to close a Tier 2 girl the day you meet her. It may take as many as 5 dates to do so in some cases.
But when the sex comes, it is far more deep and passionate than the same-day-lay Tier 4 girls. And is remains passionate for dates to come.
The only downside to Tier 2 girls, is that despite what you might tell yourselves, you are only “playing” emotional depth with these women. It may feel real, but it is a tease.
In at least half these cases, she’ll want more… because you’ve given her a taste of intimacy she has not experienced before.
I teach guys regularly how to date Tier 2 girls; this was my preferred way of dating when I was in “the game.” But it has its downsides. Expect to break some hearts in the process.
Tier 1: The “Girlfriend” Tier
For guys who have struggled with women, Tier 2 may seem like peak of the mountain. But it is not, in fact, the holy grail.
Remember: Tier 2 is still Persona over Personality. You are taking some connection and leveraging in towards seduction… but you are still seducing (or being seduced) nonetheless.
Tier 1 women are different.
Because while there will likely be some seduction in your interactions with these women, there will also be a visceral personality connection as well.
The chemistry and conversation between the two of you will be natural, and unconscious.
You’ll find it easy to talk and joke.
You will feel understood.
At least in the beginning, that is.
The truth is that not all Tier 1 relationships work out.
Because there is more than attraction to making a relationship work.
If you meet a Tier 1 girl — and you will likely see one every 6 months to 2 years, if you’re putting yourself out there — you’ll feel an instant intuition about her and ease.
But how the relationship progresses from there depends on deeper parts of the Personality, such as psychological health and shared values.
The Unhealthy Tier 1 Relationship
This type of relationship is the kind most romanticized in movies and artistic circles.
They are intense.
You feel like the other person is your soul mate, that they complete you.
You feel as if you understand each other on a deep, impossible level… and can’t get them out of your mind.
You need to be with them, spend as much time as possible with them.
The only problem?
You’re both too needy.
(Read: Why Guys Are Creepy)
Which means that the “connection” is in a certain sense a transactional exchange. You are consuming each other in an attempt to feel loved.
These romances burn hot at first, but quickly descend into resentment and emotional distress, as both parties begin demanding more of the other to meet their needs.
These co-dependent relationships usually end when one party has finally had enough of the draining (usually because they found someone else to restart the dynamic with). They leave a large emotional imprint on both parties, particularly the one left behind.
The Healthy Tier 1 Relationship
In contrast to unhealthy Tier 1 dynamics, these parties aren’t anxious. They have an identity and are internally validated, yet open to connection. They can form bonds with others without an intention to simply take from the other party.
Healthy Tier 1 relationships thus tend to last years if not lifetimes. When they end it’s due to the parties growing apart, rather than some sort of fundamental issue.
These relationships tend to begin with strong chemistry, yet not the sort of frenetic, clingy energy characterized by the unhealthy variant. The parties will start to spend more and more time together, but it’s a gradual, natural “coming together.” They just enjoy doing things together; it’s easy.
But this doesn’t mean that healthy Tier 1 relationships don’t or won’t have problems. This is inevitable with all relationships. Conflict and the need to communicate through differences will happen, and some “Tier 1” relationships will manage this better than others. Tier 1 relationships fail all the time.
What makes Tier 1 relationships different from the other tiers, however, is that there is a deep chemistry between both parties’ Personalities.
Sometimes this chemistry, unfortunately, comes at the expense of compatibility, and it is here that most Tier 1 relationships will struggle. Shared values is the biggest determinant of relationship success long term — never compromise on it, the relationship is almost certainly doomed if you do.
Ignoring it only indicates you are not as healthy as you think.
Final Notes on Tier 1 Relationships
Because Tier 1 relationships focus on Personality connection, they are the deepest ones you can achieve. Preselection and Persona continue to matter of course, but even people deficient in these departments can find Tier 1 love (though frequently only the unhealthy variant).
Tier 1 relationships force you to become vulnerable; they strip you naked. Which is why everyone who has fallen into a Tier 1 relationship has fallen in love.
So how to get a healthy one?
Simple, but not easy… and very counterintuitive.
You need to resist dating most girls… even if they are sexually available.
As you undoubtably noticed, the primary difference as you go up the Tiers is the focus on Quality vs Quantity.
And that’s because there is an innate tradeoff between the two.
It’s why Tier 4 and 5 girls are generally emotionally distant one night stands, two bodies using each other; Tier 3 provides a bit more comfort, and Tier 2 gives an impression of genuine intimacy.
But only Tier 1 actually gets there.
Which is why the “plate spinning” routine so many guys recommend, while great for Tier 2 and below, just doesn’t cut it when it comes to Tier 1 girls.
Yes, you can fall into one of these romances if the chemistry is really strong.
But it’s just unlikely… because your energy will be focused on more superficial “connections” with women, which means you will not even notice most of these girls… and those you do approach will sense your shallowness and be turned off.
(Confident women in this market have an imperiousness to them that players bounce right off of – check any dating forum and you’ll see these confused guys wondering what was wrong with their approach. The problem was their strategy not their tactics.)
To get to Tier 1, the answer is dating less women not more.
It’s being very selective about who you approach and decide to pursue things romantically with.
It is restricting how much of your energy (and indeed, yourself) you are going to give to women… saving it only for the women who deserve it.
Emotional bandwidth is a real thing. And how dispersed or concentrated it is determines the sort of relationships with women you’ll have.
Use it wisely.
The 5 Tiers of Women: Conclusions
The 5 Tiers are simultaneously objective and subjective; a Tier 1 woman for you might not be the same woman for another guy.
Yet as we go about our lives, we resonate different energies depending on what we’re looking for. So while we might not be “someone’s” Tier 1 or 2, we are nevertheless operating on that level… looking to attract someone who wants the same thing yet fits with us.
When it comes to the Tiers, the decision is fundamentally between depth and breadth.
Do you want to sleep with a lot of girls, and are indifferent to connection with them?
Or do you want to sleep with less girls and bond with them deeply?
The choice is yours.
If quantity is the prime motivator in your dating life, there are thousands of coaches who can help you achieve it.
But if quality is your goal…
Consider working with me.
I routinely work with guys to:
- take them from dating the occasional Tier 4 or 5 to having multiple Tier 2 and Tier 3 girls
- upgrade them from Tier 2 “harem” girls / random hook ups to a Tier 1 girlfriends
- move them from a non-existent dating life to Tier 1 girlfriend (note: this takes longer)
If you want a high-quality future with a high-quality woman, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
PS If you haven’t signed up for my list, make sure you get onboard — daily emails on sex, attraction, and psychology.