My boy Laz tweeted this gem the other day, which brought something to mind:
(btw, sign up for his free weekly socialite magazine if you haven’t yet)
It’s a tragedy, really.
But the vast majority of dating advice for men is still in many ways stuck in the late aughts.
PUA heavy advice on game, seduction… with perhaps recent additions of the age-old important of looks and wealth (and macro doom-and-gloom about the state of society).
What’s only getting added into the picture by a few of us, however?
Social skills… and the importance of building a fun, dynamic group of friends and connections.
Which is pretty crazy when you think about it.
Guys learning how to cold approach strangers on the street, when they can’t make much of a connection with people who are already in their network.
Putting the cart before the horse if you ask me.
For multiple reasons, too.
Cold approaching is a useful, but really niche skill. There’s a reason people who have a lot of friends don’t generally do it… they don’t have to, because they already know enough people, and have tons of social activities and women they are occupied with.
That said, if you don’t know people… or really want to jump start your network, cold approaching is a great thing to learn.
But with a caveat.
You can’t try to “convert” each girl you meet.
By convert, of course I mean try to date.
Why, you might ask?
Because the idea is to plant seeds not eat them.
To become friendly with people, connect, get the contact information from them…
But unless you’ve got a real romantic vibe from a girl, to befriend her rather than date her.
And then invite her to your social gatherings, and encourage her to bring friends to them.
The point of this approach is that it establishes you very quickly not as a horny, desperate guy who is talking to girls because he wants to fuck everything… but a cool, friendly guy who brings people together.
And crucially, because rather than have you “consume” this connection in a low-odds / low-return date, it allows you to leverage it and gain access to the girl’s social events and friends.
The approach?
Flirt with her, but in a mostly platonic way.
And if possible, go for the social media rather than the number.
Is she guaranteed to hang out with you?
Of course not, no.
But, you’d be surprised how many times they do, especially when you’re hosting fun parties.
This is a way to rapidly build up a friends group, and while it takes some effort up front… the result is in the next couple of months, you’ll have girls coming to you… since you’ll have the numbers in your social group, and the reputation of being a cool guy.
It’s a “passive form” of female-income, so to speak.
But most importantly?
It raises the quality of your life across the board.
Since aside from dates, you’ll have more friends, develop more confidence… and even get more career opportunities.
And if you want some strategic and tactical help developing this broader network?
Work with me.
It’s one of my specialties… and it’s an especially important one today, since most people don’t have any post-college friends.
Most people just don’t take the initiative.
If you do, you’ll be one of the few people who is cool and making things happen.
And pretty soon, friend, dating will be the least of your concerns.
Since a big social network is one of the few ways to not only increase the quantity of women in your life… but the quality.
Apply here if you want to make it happen: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
