One thing you hear a lot of outrage about is some fuckboi who doesn’t have his shit together, is dating this woman who more or less carries him financially, but then — just as things start looking up for him — he splits.

It’s a story that receives much ire, especially among the anti-male quarters.

(though women do the same stuff routinely)

Why the resentment?

Well, in these cases it seems like one party is carrying a burden for the other, and is betrayed when things get better.

She put an “investment” in the relationship that just didn’t get returned.

What a dick, right?

Well, maybe.

Tis often the case that guys and gals use the other party to carry them when they’re in a low state.

But there’s another side to it ignored.

A quite important side.

That the party carrying the burden is doing it for their own reasons.

Not selfless ones, but via manipulation.

That you “owe them” and so they can treat you any way you’d like, and you can’t leave them.

Paints a bit of a different picture, doesn’t it?

But no one on the outside ever asks what’s going on inside the relationship.

And unfortunately, many relationship gestures aren’t selfless acts to build a future together… but attempts at controlling the other party.

Attempts that become clear when the “indebted” party “liberates” himself, and realizes how much of what he endured was manipulation and abuse from the “generous” party.

Something you should always keep in mind when you hear about long term relationships ending.

Just because someone stays with you through your bad moments it doesn’t mean they loved you unconditionally.

In fact, it might mean they loved you very conditionally based… on you being as fucked up as them… and that they will make you feel like shit for trying to move the relationship out of the dysfunction.

Deep thoughts, I know.

But I bet there are a few of you on here who need to hear it.

Don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

Commitment can be an expression of devotion, or it can be an excuse to keep someone else in a prison.

Two people in the water can help each other to get to shore.

Or one person can grab the other and force him to drown with her.

Learn the difference.

And if you need some objective help doing it, perhaps in your own situation?

Apply to work with me.

I’ll give you the perspective you need to make an informed decision… and the confidence and tools to either save the relationship, or start over fresh if necessary.

The lifeboat is here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat