So got an interesting question today (which coincided quite interestingly with something going on with a client).
Basically — the proposition was simple…
Can a relationship actually work if someone cheats?
Spoiler alert:
In most cases, no.
Moreover, I know all the guys on this list are SUPER ALPHA MALES so you’d a) never get cheated on and b) if you did, you’d never take the girl back.
Case closed, right?
Well… look.
I’m not one to argue for such an action.
(Honestly, I can’t conceive of ever getting back together with a girl who cheated on me… but then again, I don’t have children…)
Cheating is rarely a “one-off” thing when a relationship collapses… it’s usually the final grievance after a hundred others.
Moreover, it fractures trust… which is the bedrock of a relationship.
Which is why two people can weather a lot of problems with each other… but once infidelity enters the picture, it’s game over. You can’t “fix” anything anymore.But there are always exceptions.
Believe it or not, there are some relationships that actually improve once cheating occurs.
The reason?
Well, the same reason most relationships that experience cheating collapse.
Cheating kills the relationship that existed before.
You can no longer stay in the same patterns you were in. You need to address problems that have been lurking beneath the surface.
For most this means the end of their romance, with hopefully some lessons for the future.
(PSA: Those that don’t find out *why* things went wrong can expect to make the same mistakes all over again. Another place where yours truly can be of service…)
But for some, it wakes them up not only to what they were doing wrong.
But what they had.
And what they could have been doing better, appreciating more…
Because it destroys their comfortable reality, it makes them figure out what is actually important to them.
And this isn’t just on the side of the cheater.
But the cheateé.
BOTH parties figure out what they had, and were taking for granted.
Which is why some relationships can get through these things… and come out on the other side stronger.
Now, here’s the catch.
Why is this stuff so rare?
Because it takes enormous amounts of forgiveness, humility, and self-awareness that most people simply don’t have.
Healing a relationship from infidelity takes BOTH parties to acknowledge their role. To push forward through the pain.
It’s not a matter of the cheater trying to “make up for it.”
That doesn’t work, EVER.
Now, you might gather from all of this that I secretly admire these relationships.
And I actually do.
I think the “omg what a cuck” stuff to be either lacking nuance or childish, showing more the accuser’s own baggage.
Forgiving someone for their sins takes an enormous amount of maturity.
But forgiving them, and taking them back?
Not sure yours truly could or would do it.
And that’s really where the tricky part is.
Because while I am very accepting of human faults… and know people only do things that affect me because of their own baggage…
I struggle to TRUST people who screw me over.
Maybe they’re a good person at heart. Maybe I don’t hate them and empathize with them.
But letting them into your life?
You need to judge this carefully… because there is a line between forgiving someone’s fuck ups and subjecting yourself to future disrespect.
And it’s not just cheating neither.
It’s with even regular relationships.
Choosing women… negotiating bad behavior…
You need to figure out:
Is she a keeper?
Can she change?
Because sometimes she can… and sometimes she can’t…
And the only way to tell when you’re emotionally tied up…
You guessed it:
Moi.
So.
If you want some help fixing a busted up romance.
(And don’t want to let it get to cheating… since it’s quite often inevitable otherwise)
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/optin
– Pat
