So it’s occurred to me that many of you are stuck in relationships that don’t really have much of a shared mission to them.

You are your girl are “going through the motions.” But not really going anywhere.

Chances are, she’s not so feminine anymore. And you’re both run down.

What to do?

Well, first accept you’re going to need to shake things up. And shaking things up will generally NOT be easy or pretty.

(PSA: The smart thing to do in these cases is get a coach… someone who can help you navigate these transitions. Go about things the wrong way and you can lose the relationship…)

But before you shake things up you need to accept something.

Something you probably haven’t wanted to admit to yourself.

The reason things are in this mess is because of you.

This matters, and I’ll tell you why my friend. Because not only is it TRUE, and not only is taking responsibility for whatever has happened to you *essential* for you to get past it…

But because the LAST thing that will make a woman change, is telling her it’s her fault.

Understand: if accept the premise that you are the leader in the relationship (I hope you do this for your sake).

That means that if those you are leading are doing things wrong, things that don’t make the relationship better…

It’s because you didn’t guide them to the right actions.

And more practically speaking, when it comes to women, it matters even more… since criticism isn’t an effective way of making your woman more feminine.

The slate has to be CLEAN on her end.

You can’t blame her for things she did when you weren’t leading.But you have to talk to her, and make your expectations clear about the future.

And then ACT IN ACCORDING TO YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN.

Now, a caveat.

If you’ve been a little bitch and then you “decide” one day you want the dynamics to change… that’s not going to work.

You need to put in substantial work ahead of time.

The “talk” comes after you’ve proven you’re already well on your way to a new direction.

It has to be based on credibility.

This will make her understand where things are going.

Perhaps you can argue it’s a bit of subtle “dread.”

Now, if she agrees to none of this?

You need to amp up the dread… and be prepared to separate from her if necessary.

Transitions are difficult for women. They’re used to treating you one way, having one kind of role… changing roles isn’t natural.

But if she loves you, and you’re showing your value…

With the right pressure, applied in the right way…

She’ll flip.

Easy, right?

Not so much.

The devil is in the details.

You can fuck this up in multiple ways.

And, it’s very easy to lie to yourself about how you’re actually showing up.

(You gotta give a lot of love during this time too… can’t just be the stick)

Which is why if you want to transition your relationship.

I definitely don’t recommend doing it alone.

You need someone to help guide you… a competent, discreet, confidant…

Someone like the guy writing this email.

Apply here if you need his services: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat