So hier soir (yesterday eve) I stumbled across a tweet that made me chuckle:
To the guy before me that broke her heart….fuck you! You abused and degraded her. You made her feel worthless and imperfect. It won’t be easy and there’s a good chance I’ll get hurt, but I’ll show her she’s perfect. I’ll build up what you tore down.
Let’s just be direct, shall we?
This guy is fucked.
In fact… I predict a particularly tragic outcome for him… but first to the point.
This is an Exhibit A “white knight” — and he’s not even being clandestine about it. This girl was hurt by another guy and HE is going to save her, no matter the danger.
This guy thinks he’s going to be the hero in her love story.
And don’t get me wrong… thinking in such roles CAN be useful.
(Remember: fantasy and story arcs are powerful tools for attracting women…)
But NOT when you’re the guy on the rebound.
Understand what’s going on in this dynamic.
She’s recently been used and abused by some guy — a guy who probably cheated on her.
And back on the market, her self-esteem is low.
This guy comes along and tells her she SHOULDN’T be low. That she deserves so much better than “that asshole.”
And she accepts all this… because it feels good to be appreciated and treated well for a change.
Now, on the surface this might seem all well and good.
Underneath though — she’s never stopped loving this asshole… or at the very least, never stopped desiring him.
Which the white knight senses. I’m sure the girl is not really putting out (she’s too hurt) and he feels that if he can make her feel better, he’ll be the guy for her.
Really though, he’s doing it for a transactional reason (he wants her validation and sex)
And she’s not interested on a deep level.
Now really pay attention here because I want you to internalize this.
The white knight isn’t going to get laid for one very crucial reason:
He is treating the girl like she’s perfect when her self-esteem is shattered.
Understand: damaged women don’t like guys who put them on a pedestal… especially when they don’t see themselves on the pedestal.
The more this guy tries to save her, build her up… the more she’s going to feel guilty about the dynamic, because she can sense he’s doing it for a self-interested reason… that there are expectations… and that he also doesn’t really understand her because she ISN’T worth all that much.
Which means that he must actually not be worth much. Because what guy with self-worth would put a broken girl on a pedestal?
The sad result I predict, friends, is that this girl leaves him.
And it’s a better than even chance, it’s for the “abusive” guy she left.
This is the thing about breaking girls down.
They become addicted to guys who keep them there.
We are always looking for people who treat us the way we treat ourselves.
Aberrations from this are transient, little vampiric outings where we suck others self-esteem for our own.
Don’t be a little vampire.
Be a confident, masculine man.
A guy who knows his worth… who can approach women… express his desires… make them fall for him… discern which ones’ a keeper… and keep her addicted for years to come.
Oh wait, you’re not that guy?
Good news: you’re on a dating and relationship coaches’ email list.
And he offers coaching.
Coaching that *will* transform the way you interact with women.
Apply if you’re ready to get it handled: www.patstedman.com/application
(Hint: the longer you wait, the harder it gets… and the less time you have to enjoy the rewards)