This topic is based on a reader’s question… which I going to paraphrase.
Basically, it had to do with the emails I sent out a few days ago on “Choosing Women.”
In it, I talked about the idea of making sure YOU were doing the pursuing of a woman… not her.
He wondered how this idea could mesh with a previous one I’ve written about, how and why to send mixed messages.
It’s a good question.
But it’s one that is easy to answer if you understand the way I look at all problems.
Always look at how things work on both the macro and the micro, because they are rarely the same.
Most PUAs et al, for instance, love to talk about how to game a girl into sleeping with you.
They are focused on the micro: how to move from meeting to sex.
Meanwhile, other more mainstream dating coaches talk about the macro: you like a girl, how do you establish something serious with her?
Both are right in their own way, depending at one level of the interaction you’re looking at.
So for instance: on a micro level, sending a girl mixed messages — a tactic which spikes her attraction and avoids you seeming desperate — is a great move.
But on the macro, if you’re convinced this girl is a good fit for you… you want to be the one doing the pursuing (as discussed, quality girls don’t chase).
You balance it like so:
You make sure you’re initiating the interactions…
Setting up the dates…
But at the same time… not putting yourself in constant contact with her at first.
Do your own things. Show intent.
Without showing desperation.
Perhaps you could say: well, is this really sending mixed messages?
And perhaps it is not.
But it has the same effect of showing a girl you’re into her… but don’t need her.
Understand: it’s not about the “deceit’ or really even about “mixed messages”
It’s about tension.
Making her feel desire for you.
Making her miss you.
Making a little love story for her to fantasize about when you’re not around.
Note that having this fantasy doesn’t require her to chase you.
She doesn’t need to put herself into the drivers seat.
(Her burden, after all, is restraint — *yours* is performance)
Yet she still gets the excitement of wondering what is going to happen next.
Indeed, it’s all the more exciting for her since she’s not in control…
Anyway, cultivating these love stories for women is a key element of making them fall for you.
And something that not so many other “dating gurus” discuss.
Because it goes “under the hood” of male-female dynamics…
It takes an understanding of a girl’s deep desire for romance… not little “attraction triggers.”
It’s the stuff that doesn’t just turn a girl on… but makes her fantasize about you when she’s going to bed at night… while she’s on the subway… when she’s with her friends…
It’s how you become her “prince charming.”
And hint: girls don’t leave such men very easily.
Hence why I find all the fears about “cheating” guys have to be so sad.
Because I don’t have these concerns.
And none of my clients do either.
Because they’ve “downloaded” my mindsets and learned the secrets of female psychology that always keep you one step ahead of your woman.
It’s the sort of knowledge that makes relationships great, and dating easy.
Go here and apply if you want it for yourself: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
