From reader Sean:
I really appreciate your perspective on relationships so thanks for the excellent content. I’m sure you get inundated with emails asking for advice, so I’ll try to keep this brief.
I’m an INTP who places a uniquely heavy emphasis on intellect and an ability to discuss abstract concepts/ideas in an open minded way (i.e an intuitive type) when searching for a partner. I generally need to be comfortable with someone to show this authentic side of myself, so I have found that some of my best “mind mates” have been girls with whom I have been intimate.
In short, I’ve recently struggled to meet these types of girls, which makes sense given that they make up a relatively small percentage of the population.
Do you have any strategic advice in terms of increasing my chances of meeting girls like that? FWIW, I am into meditation, yoga and reading, which I could use to try to meet these types, but I prefer these as single player activities and I’m more concerned with personality/value cohesion than shared hobbies. Any advice would be hugely appreciated!
Good questions as usual from my listies.
Some of this advice will be tailored to an INTP. But all of you will benefit from it.
There are 2 key parts of it.
#1: Don’t let the fact that you don’t need a girl who does the same activities as you, stop you from meeting a girl there.
Let me talk a little about demographics for a second… especially as it pertains to introverts.
They’re crucial. Because while an extrovert might happily strike up a conversation anywhere… introverts (unless they’ve committed themselves to a social “hobby” like daygame) have a limited amount of energy for such pursuits.
This means that you want everything in your environment working in your favor.
And there’s literally no better place for this than in a setting where you’re doing something you like, you’re good at, and tons of women who fit the same “intuitive” category you’re looking for abound.
Understand: you don’t have to be attending yoga to pick up girls. This is a common “Ti” trap — you categorize activities for different results.
Lean more into your “Ne” and see the possibilities everywhere.
Do yoga for YOU, and if you see a pretty girl there — especially a chatty one, since she will make this easy on you and likely fit better cognitively (introverts/extroverts are a natural pairing) — flirt and move the interaction forward.
It doesn’t make any sense to go to bookstores, yoga, meditation retreats and not take advantage of opportunities there!
And the fact that you ARE going for you will only make your approaches stronger.
#2: To invert the above, you can also go places where you know these girls will be… even if they aren’t your own, personal goal.
INTPs are curious people, and if you’re looking for intuitive feelers… go to places where art and animals are. Ask questions — you will ask good ones and they will be intrigued by this.
In a nutshell:
– Talk to women who fit your criteria even if you didn’t come there to meet them
– Go places to talk to women who fit your criteria
Welp, doesn’t sound so sophisticated when I put it like that.
But it’s true nonetheless.
We all have a type, and intuitive feelers go well with intuitive thinkers… so don’t think you’re on the wrong path. But ask yourself also why you need this sort of a dynamic from a woman.
Why you feel like you can’t show yourself otherwise… or be accepted.
Not a HUGE deal… but it’s always good to ask yourself why you’re drawn to certain women… because they say a lot about us.
Anyway, there are a few tidbits for el seano, and you vicariously.And if you want some REAL personal advice?
Like a breakdown of the flaws in your game?
Perhaps a little look under the hood at some limiting beliefs?
Accountability to push you out of your comfort zone?
You gotta work with me.
I know, I know… “That’s too expensive! I’m not ready!”
That’s all good — you can hang right here. I won’t kick you off.
But if you want to stop thinking about women and start attracting them…
Might wanna invest in yourself: www.patstedman.com/application
All rich people wish they could buy back time…