A reader asked me the other week to address this, so I’ll give it a shot.

Truth be told though… I don’t think there’s too much complicated about the topic.

No question about it, social media has changed dating.

Mostly by creating a virtual avenue of preselection.

For instance, as my profile has grown, something very natural has happened.

Something that in most cases is simply unconscious and innocent… though in a few others, a bit more overt.

I’ve gotten girls blowing up my DMs.

And I know this will only accelerate as time goes on.

Now, I’m married and like I said… most of these interactions are innocent.

But I also know that if I wanted to, with some girls, these are “indicators of interest” that I could cultivate if I so chose.

So think of me… with just 2k female followers (most of my cadre are men)… and now think of what it’s like for your regular above-average looking girl who takes glamor selfies on instagram and has 5k men?

The amount of thirst she’s receiving is off the charts.

Guys commenting how beautiful she is, sending her DMs… You are going to have an uphill battle with these girls, gentlemen.

But let’s provide a bit of nuance… lest we rule out every attractive girl who takes good pictures.

Having a large amount of followers on social media isn’t a red flag for a girl, because while all this attention could potentially lead to validation issues… what the validation is being given for matters quite a bit.

For instance, let’s say a girl has 50k instagram followers.

But her pictures aren’t of her in a thong or gymshark tights giving you a duck face, but they’re of places she’s travelled… food she’s cooked… inspirational quotes… and the pictures of her are minimal and tasteful…

This girl isn’t looking for sexual validation, and so while you should be aware that she has a lot of attention… you don’t have to worry so much about her… and that is always the largest variable.

(If you have to rely on a girl not cheating based on the options she has, you’re in for a rough relationship — it’s only a matter of time for attractive girls that one comes by)

Indeed: a good heuristic for discerning whether a girl’s social media is a red flag is a) the number of pictures of herself, and b) the style / themes in these pictures.

Girls with little to no pictures of themselves are trying to be judged exclusively on their merits — these girls are not risks. Girls who take only pictures of themselves or other status-icons — GUARANTEED THOT STAY AWAY.

As for those in the middle?

These girls, who use attractive pictures of themselves alongside their content are “yellow flags” — they could be playing the hot-girls-get-attention and “here’s how I can promote my content” game… or they may be playing the “I want attention but I know the guys I like don’t want a thot so let me pretend to be tasteful.”

I can read between the lines with this.

But the difference is subtle.

And you probably will struggle a bit more.

(I see T O N S of “trad” “conservative” guys on Twitter feeding this beast, begging it to eat them)

Which is why you have me.

A large part of the work I do with men revolves around discernment.

Seeing a woman’s intentions… her values… whether she is a good, stable girl… or someone who is trying to trap and ruin you.

It’s a skill few men know, because it’s not some “weird trick” that’s easily marketable.

It’s understanding psychology and patterns on a deep level.

Work with me if you want to download my wisdom for yourself: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat