A girl on Twitter (@tradpoaster) put out a poll a few weeks ago posing the question: “Have you ever broken up with someone for being bad in bed?”
It’s a good question because it’s not one commonly asked.
Probably, because people are afraid to ask it… lest they look shallow.
My perspective?
It depends on the degree.
For instance, I’ve never broken up with someone I felt strongly about because the sex was bad.
Now, perhaps you might say this is a counterfactual, because had the sex been bad… maybe I would have felt less strongly about them.
True: there were a couple of Tier 2/3 girls I ended things with early because the sexual chemistry was just not there.
But would I have stayed with them long term even if it was good?
Probably not. Personality differences always overcome sexual chemistry over a long enough timeframe.
But there’s no question sex chemistry is a subsection of overall romantic chemistry.
In fact you might even say sex has its own “Preselection, Persona, & Personality.”
Preselection is things like the “fit,” smell, and aesthetic / feel of the other person’s body naked.
Persona is their ability to know their way around the bedroom (technique / dirty talk).
Personality, how they move naturally with you; your instinctual connection.
Terrible sex is none of these pillars. Bad sex is one of them. Good sex is two of them. Mindblowing sex, all three.
This sexual chemistry factors in with the rest of your attraction for the other person.
So, I think this is mostly only a relationship problem for three types:
– marriages where neither party had sex, and this didn’t know there was an incompatibility
– marriages that have lost their personal chemistry and instinctual connection
– marriages where one or both parties have gotten out of shape
Because most relationships that start out with 0-1 pillars of sexual chemistry just don’t make it.
(How can you commit to someone you don’t enjoy sleeping with?)
So, I think at the end of the day — the question is really about ditching someone you have good sex with because it’s not mindblowing.
And the answer?
Up to you.
It’s one factor among many to consider.
Only thing I’d advise: stop thinking the grass is always greener.
Because you can always remember how X or Y girl was better in this or that way than the girl you’re with.
But that didn’t make X or Y girl overall better to be with.
Remember: deal in reality not fantasy.
And taking a composite of multiple different girls and using this composite to judge the others, is, well… a recipe for being miserable.
Different paths each have their own pros and cons.
Choose wisely and commit.
Which is why I do what I do.
Time is precious, and while I won’t say you only have “one shot”… breakups are painful, and divorces can be financially and emotionally devastating.
You can make mistakes… but when you commit, mistakes are costly.
And eventually, time does run out (especially the time in your best years).
So suffice to say… choosing women carefully is extremely important.
It affects the health of your heart, soul, and bank account.
So don’t treat it lightly.
Learn how they operate, which signs they are giving off…
Because if you do…
You’ll not only pick the right woman for you, but will be able to create a top 1% relationship with her… that last for decades.
Go here if that’s the life you want: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
