I was talking with a client the other day about some of the various themes we’ve been talking about regarding fantasy, etc.
And as I was talking I said something I realized was quite significant.
Something that might even help ye to maintain a strong power dynamic in your relationships.
It concerns the very important concept of Frame.
Now, long time followers know I’ve talked about Frame at some length.
Frame is the underlying set of assumptions in an interaction.
Controlling this frame is a manner of controlling the narrative.
(Smart people at this point understand politics / media is about frame control, as political positions are downstream of frame)
So, if you control the frame with a woman she is going to — consciously or unconsciously — look to you as an authority figure, and go along with your plans.(Indeed — the only definition of “beta” that has practical use is “not in control of the frame”)
Which of course begs the question:
How do you gain control of the frame?
I’ve answered this question in the past, and you can read about it there.
But I want to talk today about the way fantasy comes into play with this.
Fantasy and frame control are inversely correlated.
Let me elaborate, cause this is a bit deep.
Take one of the most powerful feminine methods of frame control — Girl Game.
Girl Game is powerful because men do not expect it. They anticipate power dynamics to be head-on battles. Who has a stronger will, me or her?
Men in this corner of the internet hate women like this, who are endlessly promoted by the culture — they want feminine women who appreciate them. And thus these men are constant victims of women who have not forgotten the oldest way women have controlled men: through their lust and ego.
Girl game plays of male desire to be needed.
The girl worships the guy, needs him to rescue her — she entices him to take on her emotional burdens. She has a fantasy of him as her savior, and tries to make him believe it. The second he does, the fantasy becomes his: he is her hero. Which is precisely when her fantasy ends.
Thereafter, the power dynamic is inverted. He is addicted to the fantasy of being her hero, and she no longer desires one (or at least — this one).
This is because “need” by nature leads to fantasy.
If you need something — if you desire it deeply — you imagine it, and fantasize about it.
And if someone else’s actions are key to the realization of that fantasy, they have power over you.
They have the frame.
This is doubly so if the person who has the frame understands that the other person is living in a fantasy, because then they are able to amplify these fantasies. This is, indeed, the nature of seduction — seducers control the frame by allowing others to live out their fantasies, creating prisons for them in the process.
I know, I know… very philosophical stuff. But you’re on here cause you’re B I G – B R A I N S so you’re welcome.
The practical take away, of course, is to watch your fantasies.
Because your fantasies are how others control you.
(You see this now on both sides of the political aisle)
So, how to inoculate yourself against this?
Be truly honest with yourself. Fantasies are most powerful when we’re unaware that they are fantasies.
Give yourself primary control over your happiness. The more you let others be responsible for this, the weaker you will be around them.
And how to develop these things?
Well, you can do it on your own. Slowly.
Or you work with someone who FORCES you to be honest with yourself, and who “rewires” your brain so you can become self-motivated.
No, it ain’t an overnight process.
But the less help you get, the longer it’ll take.
And by the time you figure it out, your best years might just be behind you.
Anyway, up to you.
I’m not one to force people into being more confident and attractive to women.
Most in life prefer comfort and misery to discomfort and meaning.
But if you’re one of those special few…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
