The other day I spent some time exploring a salt mine (oldest still-operating mine in Europe, see if you can find it) with a friend of mine.
He’s married to a girl he’s been more or less with exclusively his whole life.
(If I recall correctly, either him or her “broke up” with the other in like late middle school or early high school and dated someone else, but they got back together in college).
Anyway, their’s is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. One of those few relationships that really make you think “soul mates” do exist. They’re so natural with each other, it’s uncanny.
So when we were driving in the car… I asked him his “secret.” I think he was surprised to get such a question, but he revealed me about how they operate… most of which made sense, though some was very “counter-narrative” in our corner.
The biggest thing he said was that they communicate very heavily about everything.
If there’s a problem… they talk through it.
They also respect each other tremendously, and are happy to do things the other wants without being a buzzkill. For example: when she wants to go furniture shopping, he doesn’t act like a ball and chain. When he goes surfing or snowboarding, she doesn’t give him crap for being away all day — she just kicks back and reads.
They also make every decision together. (Not what you’d expect if you’re stuck in the red pill echo chamber, but it’s observations like these that have always made me suspicious of its dogma)
But one thing he said is that they’ve never argued about the big things, because they’re mostly on the same page about everything.
They have the same values, vision, and views.
Thus disagreements have always been about small, stupid things.
He’s a bit more chill than she is, and a bit more optimistic. She’s a little more temperamental and pessimistic.
(They’re an ENTP-ISFJ pairing — just to give you an idea about the variance in type dynamics, their relationship is nothing like mine with my ex ISFJ!)
Now, a few observations of my own.
They’re both pretty attractive people. I’d say 7-8 aesthetically. So they’re stable on this front.
He’s out of work now, but this is very temporary. They’re usually bringing in the same amount (though her family comes from a lot of money).
Oh, and maybe I didn’t mention… but they’re not neurotic at all, especially him.
Anyway, as far as passion is concerned, however, you don’t see a huge amount of “desire.” They’re a relationship based highly on personality compatibility, not persona.
She’s not masculine, and he’s not feminine, but these dynamics are mild.I don’t know about their sex life, but based on how affectionate they are, I’d guess a couple times a week. Probably intimate or “friend-like” but not intense or kinky.
So as you can see, there are always tradeoffs.
Which just goes to show… each relationship is different.
You gotta figure out which one is best for you.
Which is why you need to think of things with nuance. AKA where I come in.
Because I’m not going to tell you to do X just because it’s a “universal rule.”
Everything I advise and teach is calibrated on you and your situation.
Anyway, if you want that mentoring… so you can have YOUR great relationship (whether “soul mate” or “red pill”)
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
