I was hanging out with a couple the other day, and found myself instantly fascinated by the dynamic.
The guy was average to shorter in height, baby-faced, skinny-fat, and just shy of below average looking facially.
Moreover, he was pretty meek. Didn’t generate all that much attention to himself, and had a very “nice guy” energy.
Not to mention broke. He was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
And yet, he was married — and not just married to anybody, but to a gorgeous woman.
Fit, pretty face, and very fashionable.
(The sort of “Melania Trump” natural aesthetic)
And it was clear despite this “value” discrepancy, she very deeply loves her husband.
The reason why?
Well, actually, there are two.
The first is that said guy was only broke due to a very specific reason. He had been scammed by his relatives, and they put him in a situation where it was very likely he would go to prison if he didn’t agree to their terms…
(a complicated story, I will perhaps tell another time)
Indeed, prior to this “hit job” he was raking in the money. And has the skills to do so again, once he gets himself out of this pickle (right now, all his money is going to his “debt”)
So our señor isn’t a loser, truthfully.
(He’s a survivor, most would have broken under the pressure…)
But our man’s little lady hasn’t left his side, and shows no signs of going to, despite the hard times.
(For all intents and purposes, she’s the breadwinner…)
So it begs the question.
What’s keeping this hypergamic, solipsistic female (but I repeat myself) from doing the female thing and branch swinging to a hotter, more established guy?
Unlike most of today’s women who THINK they could score a top tier guy, this girl actually has the potential.
What gives?
It ain’t that hard, unless you’re a programmed person.
She’s a good woman.
Traditional, feminine, supportive, and sweet.
A woman some might consider to be quality.
I know, I know — you heard such women don’t exist.
And to be honest, it’s not exactly the strongest argument (even though it’s true).
So I’ll give you another reason equally transgressive to dogmas around here.
Some women prefer comfort over desire.
I don’t talk about these ideas as much as I used to, but they’re as relevant as ever.
“Beta” men have a lot of comfort. “Alpha” men have a lot of desire.
The best have both.
(Not neither)
But while everybody wants a mix of both of them… and desire is the more important “fundament” emotion of the two…
Many women are very happy having a good 2-1 comfort-desire breakdown in the relationship.
The couple has significant psychological attraction, and it’s very clear they understand each other.
It’s a deep love but not a fiery one.
(I saw plenty of physical contact, but not much sexual polarity)
Oh well.Not ideal, perhaps.
But our amigo (he’s hispanic, if you haven’t picked up by now) isn’t doing too poorly.
And if he learned just a few additional things, he’d be cranking that desire up… and could be getting the icing on the cake… that passion…
A thing you can learn, incidentally, from yours truly.
Navigating desire and comfort is a tricky thing.
It’s like an operation in many ways.
Try to fix one, you end up compromising the other.
No wonder many prefer to settle for muted relationships instead. Trying to change things when you don’t know what you’re doing can make the relationship become worse, not better.
(Indeed: I’ve seen this with many Red Pill guys… they start by introducing desire but end up destroying the whole relationship… sometimes old dynamics can’t be reset, but less often than you think…)
Anyway, if you want help shifting your relationship — or want to know where you went wrong with a past one, so you don’t do it again, apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
