So one thing I speak about a lot is the difference between tactics and strategy.
For instance, a major problem with guys who seek to become better with women is that they OBSESS upon their results with women.
Which makes them outcome dependent, and thus not so good with the ladies.
It’s for this reason I always ask guys who are worried about X or Y with a woman, “why do you care?”
Cause if you want to develop a rock solid frame… you need to learn not to.
But there *is* something about this approach — despite how much I love it — that is a bit naive.
And perhaps misses something.
Because you can’t get better at something unless you become obsessed with it. To improve, on a certain level you HAVE to care.
So adopting a policy of indifference isn’t going to get you all that much… it’s going to make you lazy, and not put the work in.
Which is why you need to approach dating from a position of paradoxes.
You need to be invested enough in a girl to actually act… but you also need to be UN-invested enough to make a difference.
You need to be invested in the broader mission but not in the immediate result.
A long-winded way of saying process over outcomes.
Guys who approach women more get better at approaching women.
But they’ll only score tactical victories if they derive validation based on how well they approach women.
Capiche?
Learn the skills, but have FUN doing it.
Enjoyment and curiosity are how you keep frame when learning something new…
Speaking of learning new things.
Maybe you knew I turn dating lives around. Or maybe you’ve been living under a rock or something.
But I do.
So if you’re struggling to manage that perfect balance between wanting to know what to do, yet not caring if you don’t do it right…
I’ll get that sorted for you, so by next summer you won’t recognize your romantic life. Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
