Last week I had a call with a new client about his current romantic situation.
This is a wealthy, attractive, smart guy. He’s built a big business for himself and has had no lack of beautiful, feminine women over the last couple of years.
Nevertheless, he’s been struggling to find a woman that he wants to be with… and wanted to see what I could do to help him.
I love getting these cases because you don’t see them much in “the industry” (though they’re a specialty of mine). These men are bewildering to your average guy.
They can get any number of attractive girls.
(Very often, at the same time.)
Sex and femininity — the two things most elusive to most men — are ubiquitous for them.It’s strange to think that they’re missing anything at all.
But sex and femininity aren’t enough to get you connection.
Beautiful girls offer you their Preselection. Feminine, sexual girls provide you their Persona.
But unless a girl’s Personality is meshing with you, there is always going to be a level of superficiality — of replaceability — to the girl.
She might be sweet and fun, and you might genuinely enjoy her company.
But you won’t feel like she’s worth committing to or spending significant time with.
In other words… you’re stuck on Tier 2 girls and can’t seem to find any Tier 1s.
There are a couple reasons for this.
The first is macro.
If you’re a guy who “checks all the boxes,” you’re going to get a lot of options, many of whom will just “fall into your lap.”
But these girls are attracted to what you represent, not necessarily you.
Yes, you might have good banter with them and they might genuinely like — even “fall in love” with you.
But these girls are fundamentally GAMING you.
All the super supportiveness, non-stop horniness and sex, desire to make you feel like a king… this is their means of GETTING you.
It’s a Persona, not the real thing.
Now, this isn’t entirely a bad thing.
Persona is ATTRACTIVE, and you want your girl to do this… moreover, you want her to continue to do this.
(The desire to maintain this Persona is why so many guys say you can’t live with a girl or date her exclusively, because you will remove this “game” impulse from her, causing her femininity to drop.)
The problem, however, is when a relationship only operates on this dynamic.
And if you’re a successful, good looking guy… most women are going to be too eager to grab you to risk letting down the veneer.
Which brings us to problem number two.
It’s not just a matter of the woman’s game.
It’s the fault of the guy himself for playing the same game… and being addicted to the woman’s.
Let me elaborate.
If you’re a man, you likely enjoy the company of beautiful women. Nothing wrong with that. But if you’re a man whose been hurt by women in the past… or has felt some insecurity (even if you’re “overcome” it) there’s a very good chance when you find out how to get the validation of women, you’re going to keep doing that.
You’re going to learn to put an emotional wall up and operate as a Persona.
Now, operating under a persona can be fun.
You charm ladies and get that validation and sex which feels great.
But if you’re operating under a Persona and women are still adoring you, it starts to be very hard to drop the Persona.
Indeed — this “Tier 2” is where a lot of players “dig in”… they start hooking up with girls they enjoy spending time with, but ultimately see them each as little romantic flings before the next one.
And they’ll claim their inability to bond with a girl has to do with choice. Which is true… but only half true.
The full truth is that they’re CHOOSING to operate on this level.
And the only way a girl can throw them out of it is if she immediately sees through his veneer and calls him out.
The reason being, said woman might know him but ISN’T validating him based on the surface… and is moreover, willing to change if he does not drop the act.
It takes very independent, emotionally grounded women to do this.
Hence it ain’t common.
So I recommend said guys do something different.
Stop dating girls who validate you automatically.
Get yourself off the slow drip and slow down.
Focus on girls that really speak to you.. and disqualify ones that seem enamored.
(Even consider downplaying your preselection and game so you’re not so special off the bat)
And if you want help navigating this process?
Call on moi.
I’ll work you through your blindspots and guide you to those magical Tier 1 relationships with the women who see your bullshit… and love you anyway for it.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
