“It would be great if you can write about “guys who look for a mother in their girlfriend” i.e. mommy complex or Mamma’s boy. It’s not completely clear to me.”
I feel like I’ve covered this topic before but I’ll attempt to go a bit deeper… in the modern age especially, it’s crucial to understand.
One thing you see CONSTANTLY among men today is the desire for women to treat them like their mothers.
This means a couple of things overtly similar:
Unconditional love and acceptance. Emotional nurturing. Blind belief and support.
And some that are unconscious (and dark):
Regular dirty sex designed to please said man (think porn).
It’s basically taking the mother’s parent-child dynamic and transferring it into “adult activities.”
So the guy may on the surface act big and strong, like the leader, but underneath mother needs to provide all these things in order for him to feel validated.
It’s an off-shoot of the “nice guy” or “beta” mentality but with a certain naive approach to women.
You see it with “incels.”
And you see it with red pill guys (the majority of whom are in a state of rage about women *not* playing the role of mother).
Suffice to say mosts guys think this is how women *should* be.
It’s their fairytale fantasy.
Someone who will love them like mother and fuck them like Pamela Anderson.
And of course, it is not true.
Women do not love men unconditionally and are actively repulsed when a man expects a response to them like their mother.
It’s the ultimate tell of weakness from a man and sends deep, visceral signals to a woman that this is not a survivor and she — along with her children — need to get away as soon as possible.
The reason men get confused about this is simple.
One, on the surface, a “perfect wife” is the same as a sexualized dynamic with ones’ mother.
(Yes this shit is freudian and gross, but there really is a projection here — women have the same dynamic with their fathers, something we’ll talk about another time)
She’s supportive, feminine, sexual… all good stuff.
But her desire to do so comes about differently.
The first aspect of this is respect.
It is impossible for a woman to desire you when she doesn’t respect you.
Note that this isn’t so much a moral respect rather than a power respect.
Women can sense which men are powerful and which are powerless.
And they are attracted on a macro level to that power.
Conversely, men know they don’t need their mother’s respect to be loved and cared for, and this is the crucial difference between a mother and a wife.
So when a man shirks responsibility in a relationship he creates this problem of respect.
(This is why women penalize men who don’t have jobs, etc.)
But desire doesn’t simply come from respect, but mystery and edge.
You need to be exciting and dangerous to a girl to really turn her on.
You need to be interesting.
And you need to lead the relationship in a direction where these emotions are the norm.
And the paradox is… you need to do it because it is a facet of who you are, rather than an attempt to get a reaction out of her.
(Otherwise, you show that you’re oriented to her, not yourself, and that shows you lack frame)
Now, this mindset has always existed in men in some capacity. Our psychology can easily fall into it.
But it’s gotten particularly worse today because most men have been raised by single mothers or with weak, unmasculine fathers in the picture.
This is obviously a problem — men haven’t learned to be men, and have been overnurtured (aka weak in the face of reality, and unable to lead a family).
But of course, there’s also a compounding problem — which is that women, who have also lacked strong fathers, haven’t learned how to submit or respect men.
So while men have their “mommy girlfriend” issue… women also have unrealistic expectations of men, and lack the ability to see that they are simply not good relationship material.
(You see this very often with “alpha women” who are looking for an “alpha male” — and yet never find one, claiming said men are intimidated. This is a massive defense mechanism.)
This leaves two things that you must do:
a) Root out the “mommy girlfriend” mindset inside of you.
b) And make sure to screen out women who are incapable of being respectful partners.
Two things, incidentally, I am very good at helping guys do.
(I’ll rewire your mind… and show you the secret “tells” these women give off that tell you to stay away)
Anyway, you can apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
