One reason I caution anyone to think in black and white about women is personality type. As we have said time and time again: all women are hypergamous, but all women do not manifest their hypergamy the same way.
So while your average ESFJ female might lose interest if you chased and persisted through obstacles, your INFJ will not. Taylor Swift might love the players, but INFJs love the awkward, brooding knights who come to save them from loneliness, and most importantly, themselves.
One of the reasons men do not understand what women want is because of INFJs. INFJs practically pioneered romantic storylines. Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice… insert late victorian romance filled with depth and dark emotional drama… “I love him, but I can’t have him”… and you will find yourself smack dab in the middle of the INFJ psyche.
Understand, these women are dark… they have deep wells of feelings and convictions. And they are without question the heaviest personality out there — not that they don’t joke or laugh, but their default way of looking at things is intensity.
These women wrote books on what they wanted in a romance, and since INFJs are supremely persuasive when it comes to values, they converted a whole generation to their ideal.
But while women may love the romantic story arc in these INFJ novels, what they really love about them is the tension and orientation to interpersonal drama. It is not the story they prefer for themselves. INFJs however consider this “fight to get to romantic truth” the cornerstone of what it is to be in love. This is especially applies the more neurotic the INFJ in question.
All of this is a long-winded way of saying INFJs are really hopeless romantics and put up all sorts of barriers to intimacy during courtship, to make sure the person is worthy.
People have to work to get to them and earn their trust. This requires both pushing and giving space when needed. Only then will they allow layers to unfold, bit by bit.
Which is why INFJs aren’t for everyone.
They’re difficult to love, but they love deeply once you get through. If you are thinking about “acting alpha” or whatever around them it won’t work. They can smell insincerity a mile away, which is why while they prefer masculine, heroic men… they will often settle for nerds who have some degree of depth to them.
INFJs can be the epitome of purity and virtue, but they can also be manipulative and emotionally destructive. And INFJs come in both flavors.
So make sure you screen for morals in particular with this type.
Evil INFJs are experts at controlling and gaslighting people — they are not simply liars, they make you question your sanity, and can level your self-esteem with statements and actions that inflict maximum damage.
But when they’re good, they’re great. Life will be about babies, animals, art, God, and story-book love. The kind, you know, you’ve been told women aren’t supposed to have.
Anyway, a taste of the INFJ. Hopefully you can see why it’s so important to be able to type and pattern the behavior of a girl you’re dating. If you just treat her as “woman” you have a high likelihood of approaching her wrong.
Which is why I do what I do.If you want this arsenal of insight for your own use, apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
Remember that it’s just one of the many pieces I put together to solve your personal puzzle.
– Pat
