I put out a poll this morning about a very delicate situation.
I’ll give you some details in a bit… but the gist is, a friend’s wife cheating on him.
(READ: How I Know You’re A Cheater)
I am 100% certain of this. There isn’t any wiggle room for other options.
But, it’s a very dangerous situation for me.
Cause I don’t have proof.
I know you might wonder how I can be 100% without proof, but I have experience with cheaters… and when you understand what women are capable of, and you have the right inductive evidence and pattern recognition, you can make these calls.
If he investigated further — and he needs to — he would find the proof I can only infer.
Anyway, there are a couple of variable that led to my conclusion.
I didn’t need all of them to be suspicious. But all of them together sealed the deal.
Now, I can’t say that I approached this analysis in a structured way. My mind links things together like a web, not a pyramid.
But I’ll try to break it down for you:
The first is the macro.
This is crucial. You ALWAYS want to look at macro before you look at micro — the macro is the context.
My friend is away on work for long periods of time.
We’re talking about pretty much entirely through the week to make ends meet for the family. Staying in hotels, working long hours.
Big sign #1 was his wife didn’t really seem to care. She was unwilling to move to ameliorate the situation, even though it would transform their family’s life. But she encouraged him to take the work even though it would mean she barely saw him — and that he would barely be able to see his kid.
Now, on it’s own this isn’t good. But this doesn’t mean there is cheating going on. They are around family in their current city, and his own family is against him moving. Also — some people are afraid of change. Perhaps the passion is gone and she’s gotten used to him being away.
But lets add a few more layers to this cake.
Around this same time he was working hours away, she was adamant about getting a nanny for their child… even though the nanny cost more money than her salary — at a job she didn’t even like.
Wanting to work to further career is one thing, but if you hate the work and it’s costing you more money this is a strange play. Interesting though that a nanny would give her free time, without responsibility for periods while he is away. We’ll return to this.
Next is money.
She has basically been taking all of his money. I’ll spare the details since we’ll get into the weeds, but their apartment was bought from their relative in a verbal transfer of sorts — so even though his money paid for it, he’s not legally tied to the property.
They also have separate banking accounts, at her request. He puts money into her account every paycheck. He also put thousands of dollars into a joint account (“for emergencies”), only to find recently that not only was the money he put in not there… but money she was supposed to add wasn’t either. Moreover, he wasn’t added to the account despite her assurances that he would be.
So on top of sinking tens of thousands into an apartment he has no equity into, over 10k in the emergency account has disappeared into god knows where. No explanation.
They are not in a great financial situation so this is even more perplexing.
Where is the money going?
Then there are the big red flags.
They have pretty much stopped having sex. This despite him being away for long times.
Then there’s the fact that she’s cheated on him a few years ago with an ex. He found it out — she didn’t tell him. This is obviously a huge variable — this shows there’s not only a behavior pattern of deceit, but that there’s a prospect who was in the picture… and maybe still is.
And then we have the little things, like her being very suspicious of him hanging out with other women. (Classic projection.)
Then finally, the micro behavior. She’ll go out to spend time with a friend, and then come back late. This happened recently and since he had to meet up with friends of his own, he called her — she didn’t pick up. When he called her friend to check, she said she had left over an hour before.
Last but not least I’ve seen her flirt quite a bit when drunk. And she’s got the wide eyes you often see with girls who are hiding something (crazy).
So what I think is going on is this:
At some point in the last two years she started hooking up with her ex again. She is an ISFJ — who like all girls are capable of cheating, but are more geared towards affairs with familiar people rather than strangers.
And she’s definitely not a girl who feels comfortable with random people. She seems quite isolated and miserable.
The money situation is not as easy to parse and *could* be completely separate. But it does show that a) she lies to him and b) has taken steps to “separate herself,” treating him as little more than a cash-cow.
Moreover, there is a third possibility that the separation of finances / asset ownership is machiavellian — she is protecting herself in the event the whole thing blows up by keeping side cash and assets in her name. Or less clever, but equally sick, she has been using the money for romantic flings with the other guy while my friend is away.
So to sum up:
I think she likes keeping my friend away because he not only brings in more money which she can use, but it gives her an easier time of seeing her lover.
I think she doesn’t want to move, not simply because of family, but because her lover is where she currently is (as mentioned, she is not the type to easily find a new lover).
I think she wants separate finances for a reason — to give herself as much privacy over her spending as possible.
And I think there is almost no chance I’m fundamentally wrong about this.
Maybe on some details, but there is something illicit is going on… and my friend is going to end up on the receiving end in a bad way.
Now, some of you might ask yourself how the hell this could happen to someone. How someone could allow themselves in this situation.
But I wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
It is extremely difficult to believe people you love and trust could do such things to you.
It is even more difficult when you’ve sacrificed so much for them.
And though you’d think it would be easier to figure things out when you’re in the situation, the truth is emotions and desire cloud judgment.
Objectivity helps a lot.
Moreover, I’ve laid this stuff out in a clear argument so it seems “obvious”… but unless you’ve experienced some dark corners of human nature like yours truly, it’s tough to presume the worst without evidence.
Because note — this is all induction. There haven’t been any messages with another guy seen. No “caught in the act” stuff.
But the pattern is clear from what I’ve witnessed with them over the last couple of years.
Anyway, the million dollar question…. will I tell my friend?
I see him again in a few months. And he’ll for sure complain about the situation which will allow me to find the best point of navigating the issue. A message now, out of the blue, would not land well — we don’t talk when we don’t see each other.
(Remember, it’s a delicate matter to shatter someone’s world — especially when they are not an intuitive and you don’t have proof. More often than not, the friendship ends — not the relationship. And even if you’re right, such friends can still resent you for forcing the truth on them… psychology is fascinating)
But it’s a problem you don’t have to worry about if you work with me. Since you’ll be choosing to have that truth spoon fed to you.
Which brings up a topic I want to be direct about.
I am not your best “get laid” coach out there.
This doesn’t mean my work won’t get you laid. Sex is a given when you apply what I preach… and much easier than people make it out to be.
But there are people out there who focus on approaches and numbers and racking up lays… who WILL get you laid more. Yes, this approach is grueling and time consuming but the numbers don’t lie. Transactional hook ups just aren’t my strong suit.
The work I do with guys focuses on quality.And one of the cornerstones of that quality is developing your discernment.
Reading situations like this.
Understanding how vicious people operate.
And making sure you don’t get caught in terrible situations like the above.
Here’s a little something you might find surprising to hear from me.
But the red pill trash is about women being monsters that you need to “strike first” and “get the upper hand” against makes sense… that is, if you lack all ability to read women and situations.
I mean, if you know a predator is out in the woods at night, and you’re afraid, won’t you shoot at anything that moves?
But if you are — say — more of a predator… if you can predict the moves of these dangerous individuals, and make sure they don’t eat you alive… indeed… make them afraid of YOU…
Well, let’s just say the dating world becomes a lot less intimidating.
And a lot more easy, and fun.
Because you can tell whether a girl off-the-bat has some problems without even talking to her… and then screen for the deeper issues seamlessly, avoiding getting involved with broken women.
These skills are quite literally like a superpower.
(I am not only able to read women, but mass psychology and current events as a result of it… things that have made me quite a bit of money…)
Sadly, my friend wasn’t interested in this sort of work… even though I’ve always been available to him.
Some people just don’t want to be informed of their surroundings.
They don’t really think much about being eaten… that is, until it happens.
(And in the dating jungle, it’s far more common than you’d think)
Anyway, you get the picture. The complacent need not apply.
But if you’re different… if you want to date not only beautiful, but GOOD women… (and make it out of the jungle alive…)
Well, you know where to go: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
