A brief recap before we dive into the final element.

So far we’ve talked about Curiosity and Standards.

Curiosity is what you lead with — it’s an open “perception,” that allows you to learn and have fun with the person.

Standards are what tempers the Curiosity. It’s a closed “judgment.” It sets the frame of the dynamic and determines whether the match is a good one.

The third element, however, is perhaps the most important.

Because it establishes whether or not you can really be curious, and really check for standards.

I’m talking about Awareness.

Awareness is the most tactical of these three elements. It allows you to read the interaction and direct it in the ways you want it to go.

And it is also the one that takes the most experience to cultivate.For instance, one of the things I’m known for is my ability to read subcommunication. I can tell the dynamics of almost every situation I’m in INSTANTLY, and to the extent that I don’t have a full picture, I know exactly where to look to get it.

Think about it like this:

I’m present and paying attention to the people in the situation. I’m seeing who they are interacting with, how they’re interacting with them, and distinguishing what is Personality and what is Persona.

If it’s a one-on-one exchange with a girl I’m paying attention to whether she’s running game on me and whether or not she’s a good person.

This awareness is CONTSTANTLY going on in the background.I’m detecting patterns and cross-referencing behavior with my immense database. Any discrepancies are logged, and considered from there.

The reason this is so important for avoiding transactional dating is simple.

You need to avoid women who are only going to be transactional with you.

Thing is, I can be curious about a woman. But if I lack awareness of her my curiosity will not be directed in a conversational way. I’ll come across as silly.

Likewise, I can have standards. But if I lack awareness of her own games and values, I won’t have the ability to see if mine mesh up with hers.

You see this all the time with good, naive people getting abused by sociopaths.

A lack of awareness is BRUTAL in modern dating and is perhaps the biggest cause of misery overall.

And it’s not an easy thing to learn on your own.Some have natural talent for it. As an ENTP, I got lucky with this — my cognitive profile allows me to read patterns and communication discrepancies almost unconsciously.

But it still took me a decade of focused attention on my own experiences and others to get it to the level of precision it’s at today.

This stuff is a real skill, and it’s up there with my deep work as the main thing I’m proud of in my coaching profile.

Which is why I mention it.

I really understand how people think. To the extent that I can get a good read of what’s going on even in brief interactions that I didn’t even witness.

It’s an incredible benefit of working with me.

Because I can help you “download” my deep comprehension of female behavior into your own database.

To screen out bad women and know which ones are worth talking to (sometimes just from looking at them across a room).

At any rate, the contextual nuance of these abilities are such that I could never hope to explain them all on a blog or email.

It’s something you can ONLY get from working with me.

Here’s the link to apply: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat