Yesterday we talked about curiosity and its importance in avoiding transactional dating.
But a lot of guys with good game know to approach women with curiosity.
And it doesn’t necessarily ensure an interaction isn’t going to go a superficial route, where the girl is flaking and behaving poorly.
Which is why element numero dos is so important.
Standards.
This sounds banal but it’s deeper than you might think.
Most guys have very minimal standards when it comes to women.
So long as she’s marginally attractive, they’ll attempt to hook up with her.
Stay in the game long enough, and then close. Very rarely does their criteria get more serious than this.
Which is a problem.
The reason people have a crappy dating life, in large part, is because they ACCEPT BAD BEHAVIOR.
They don’t know what they will and will not tolerate.
Moreover, they also don’t consider the importance of VALUES when it comes to establishing a strong partnership.
Now, having a meaningful relationship doesn’t need to be long term. And so, values don’t need to be lock-step.
(Though you better believe there needs to be significant overlap if you want a healthy, long term relationship) But basic values such as honesty are crucial. They determine whether or not you’re going to be lied to, misled, and disrespected.
If she doesn’t share these basic human values with you then the best you’ll ever get is something transactional.
But there’s one other thing here I want to mention because it is so important.
Because standards don’t just help you determine appropriate compatibility.
They help you attract.
Understand:
Judgment is crucial for frame control.
This is an outgrowth in many senses of Nassim Taleb’s famous “minority rule,” where the most intolerant gets what it wants.
But basically, if you’re willing to say things aren’t good enough for you, you’re forcing people to adapt to your behavior, or leaveshows people you respect yourself
Most guys don’t do this, however, because they are worried about scaring girls away.
And it’s true. You will repel some.
But the ones you attract, you will attract even stronger.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Most people don’t know what they value, and learning to judge women after perceiving them (read: being curious about them) doesn’t come naturally to most men… especially men struggling with women.
Which is why you have me.
I help you figure out what’s really important to you, so you date according to these criteria.
I don’t tell you what you “should” do.
I help you to do what you want.
Even if it’s not something exactly that I would do.
No wonder my clients are christian, muslim, jewish, atheist, black, white, hispanic, asian, indian…
Anyway, you get the idea.
Go here: www.patstedman.com/application
And stay tuned for part 3 tomorrow…. it’s the most interesting one yet…
– Pat
