One of my clients today listening to my talk at the Men of Character Conference, and was asking me about some inferences I made about “intuitively” approaching women.
This guy noticed something insightful.
Something I didn’t even fully realize I was doing.
(It’s reasons like this that I love coaching, by the way. My clients are smart action-takers and ask great questions throughout our time together that get me thinking)
Anyway, what was this little nugget?
This “reframe” that crystallized so much of what I do, and teach clients to do?
I teach guys to look beneath Preselection, and to engage beyond Persona.
(Read: The 3 Pillars of Attraction)
Let me elaborate.
The truth is most dating coaching revolves around two things:
– Meet pretty girls
– Attract them enough to sleep with them
Some pursue a “girlfriend” orientation with this strategy but the “game” is more or less the same.
Girls are judged on looks, and then gamed. Sometimes there’s a natural connection, but this is “chance” – fundamentally the game either works or it doesn’t.
The problem with this approach?
You decide on girls with more or less one criteria in mind.
And then try to attract them with a generic formula that only addresses biological triggers.
The best, of course, do more than this. They have an unconscious understanding of personality variations, which allows them to calibrate once they start to get a feel for who the girl actually is…
But this takes years to develop, and since it develops with the wrong end in mind, it is more tactical than strategic.
As in, guys will learn how to adapt game to different types of women.
But they never ask themselves whether they really like each of those types of women.
In other words, it becomes an unconsciously learned routine.
Which keeps said guys disconnected from said women, despite their situational mastery.
What I do is different.
I help guys to see which women have resonance before the approach even happens.
And then to discern further in the early stages of the interaction exactly which sort of woman this actually is, so he can decide if it’s worth continuing.
Think of it like a very targeted advertising campaign. I narrow in the search parameters based on the ideal client I’m looking for.
Except I don’t use all that much logic for it… at least, not at first.
I just help guys to pay attention to what their unconscious wants them to do.
What sort of visceral reaction they feel for certain women.
What they actually want.
This usually clears out 3/4s of women immediately.
Then we allow logic a role, which helps us to understand what the subconscious is telling us about the woman.
This is determining type, character, femininity etc. to further the success of the approach… and whether the chemistry we feel for the girl has a compatible basis.
And to discern which parts of her are Persona and which are her core Personality.
In short, it’s reading people — their subcommunication, their intentions, their personality before you even really know them.
And the result?
Extreme connection with little chance of flaking.
And a lot less unnecessary approaching.I hate to say it. Cause it sounds ridiculous and cocky.
But I didn’t have a single girl flake on me the last year I was dating.
And the reason is because I knew which girls to pick, which girls had potential, and how to turn that potential into deep, romantic connection.
No, I’m not the only guy who does this. There are others.
But I might be the only one who does it AND understands it.
Because most “naturals” are, well, natural, and are feelers.
And I sure as well wasn’t, and am not.
If this sort of coaching intrigues you, apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
It won’t just help you with women, but will teach you how to read people in every area of your life…