One way I like to think I’m different from other dating coaches is I try to be honest about guys expectations going in.
For instance, while some marketers will tell you all you need is to “follow my secret system to get women effortlessly”… I know that is complete garbage ad-copy designed to take your money without leaving you much better off.
(How do I know? I’ve been in this industry for 10+ years… and have wasted over 10k seeing the generic “secrets” these courses “reveal” to you)
One thing that is almost completely absent in online dating literature, for instance, is the role of looks in attraction.
Which of course makes sense.
Many guys who struggle with women do so because of looks.
So from a marketing perspective, it makes sense to tell prospects that “looks don’t matter” — and to instead tell them an old overweight guy who lives with his mom discovered this “one weird trick” that got him sleeping with models. You can be just like him too… for $299…
Hope — especially hope that demands of you little effort — is an easy way to get guys to open up their wallets.
So it begs the question why I do the opposite.
Why I tell some guys, at the moment, they will better improve their dating prospects if they get a gym trainer instead of working with me.
Or why I use a sales call to help others see they’re in a bad place in their life, and should hold off on coaching until they move… which could be in a few months…
Statistically all these unorthodox approaches means I will lose prospects.
Indeed, in some cases I’m literally pushing away sales.
Why do I do it?
It might be hard to believe. But I’d rather you do what’s most effective for you, even if it doesn’t mean working with me.
Not because I’m entirely selfless, albeit.
The main reason I don’t “hard sell” or chase down prospective clients because I don’t like working with clients I have to chase down.
Part of this is practical.
If I have to pull a client in… I become skeptical whether he’s even committed to the process. Which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of his results.
But it’s also not an enjoyable coaching dynamic.
I can throw you a rope, and I can even help pull you in… but you need to grab it first.
In other words, I want men who are ready.
This “readiness” takes two forms.
The first is materially.
There are three things that people need to be happy:
Health, wealth, and relationships.
Health comes first.
You don’t need to be in top physical condition, but if you’re below average with physique you should get that handled first.
Not only because your health is non-negotiable, but because looks are the prime factor in preselection (which is how you develop “leads” with the opposite sex).
Leads mean women for us to learn from. And moreover, if you’re getting leads that means we can control for certain variables and really improve what needs to be improved.
(Example: focusing on tweaking your game when you are out of shape is NOT efficient)
Second is wealth. This is important obviously because to work with me, you need to have money.
But again, you don’t need to be rich. You just need to be in an OK financial situation.
And while I’m not cheap, if improving with women is a priority and you can’t make working with me, well, work, then it wouldn’t hurt to get this area locked down a bit better. Because it will make your options with women much better as well.
Once you make health and wealth not-liabilities, however, then we’re in a great situation.
Because then we can focus on what I do best.
We can really make progress, both on the deep, psychological side… and on the surface, interpersonal side.
You’ll learn how to talk to women, escalate, read subcommunication… and you’ll learn to think about yourself and social interactions differently.
But this is all contingent on the most important “readiness” of all.
You need to be mentally ready.
What I’m about to say next might sound dickish.
But when guys claim a transformation in their dating life is essential… that they’re tired of getting flaked on… that they’re done with dating crappy women… that they want to get married but don’t know if they can find a woman who fits the bill…
And still balk at my price (which I keep at its current level DESPITE my business coach’s advice) when I tell them I can guide them into changing all of that?
*shrugs*
Surprise, surprise — getting the daily, focused attention of an experienced mentor for months isn’t a bargain basement deal.
Now, I understand if guys don’t have the money at the time.
In fact, I LOVE it when prospective clients tell me “I’m not in a good place yet, but give me 3 months and we’ll get started”… and then STICK to their pledge.
Some even pay me in increments to hold themselves accountable.
These are men who want to change. The best clients.
But I’m not going to convince people to change their lives.
I have zero scarcity towards clients and don’t need the money.
I only want to work with guys who are serious.
I know if guys do their part, their romantic life will completely transform in 3-6 months.
They can choose that outcome, or not.
There are PLENTY of other guys out there who are happy to “work” with anyone, at lower prices, just to get their cut… regardless of what they know.
Plenty happy to sell you some regurgitated perspectives Made in China instead of those that have been carefully, artisanally crafted.
So.
A little self-promoting in this email, to be sure.
But hoping many of you will now understand what this is and isn’t about.
This isn’t a factory, where you hammer out routines.
It’s an apprenticeship where you learn.
And not simply the objective truths about the world of women… but your own.
My goal is for clients to not need me when were done working together.
I’ve rarely been disappointed.
I’ll close with the last paragraph of a very long testimonial a recent client sent me:
“I’m a new man thanks to Pat’s help. I used to get so nervous around attractive girls because I wanted to be liked but now I reorient myself so that I just act and express myself naturally. I no longer try to be cool; that ultimately leads to disaster because girls can smell the fakeness a mile away. I realized that you are never doomed to be in the friend zone as long as your conversations and interactions with girls have a playful undertone to them. I’ll save the specifics for when you work with Pat but I never fear entering the friend zone now and have the confidence and ability to read whether a girl is interested – if they’re interested I make moves like Mick Jagger with no hesitation “
Here’s the link if you’re ready to be the next success: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
