The other day one of my followers retweeted some girl talking about choosing the yolo lifestyle.
I can’t see the tweet anymore cause she deleted it (I take responsibility for inadvertently sicking my troll followers on her, causing her to carpet-block). But, it was basically her stating she’s “matured” past her 15 year old self which was obsessed with falling in love… to becoming a super-wise 20 year old woman with #goals of a 5 figure bank account, a cat, and traveling.
Now, I’ve got nothing against cats and traveling. I have one, and I travel often. And 5 figure bank accounts ain’t bad.
(though aim higher: get at least 6)
But, this tweet was just stupid.
And will not serve her very well.
So while I have mild regrets about being mean (I’m a sweet, kind guy remember that), maybe just maybe after a few years these comments will linger in the back of her mind and cause her to reassess.
I hope so, at least.
I’ve seen far too many women who put all their eggs in the cat/career basket only to realize it wasn’t all that fulfilling, and now have regrets.
And I genuinely do not want to see anymore of them.
People lie to these women, and it is just not right.
But I do have to make note of something the girl wants, that I DO agree with.
And encourage all women — and of course you men who choose them — to consider.
Remove the focus on falling in love.
Let me explain.
The main problem I see with women today is that they are caught in this “get a boyfriend / femininity” vs “become an individual / independence” dilemma.
Despite what many in these corners think, the latter is important.
Girls who jump from relationship to relationship and don’t know how to be alone are very dangerous. They are the female equivalent of “players,” are addicted to validation, and don’t have an appreciation for their own values.
So women need to learn independence to avoid this.
But the problem is, women think that being self-gratifying is “independent.”
They think hedonism makes them mature.
The truth is completely different.
To become independent you must be HONEST.
Especially with yourself.
The reason being, no matter how much financial independence you create for yourself, if you can’t manage your own emotional needs then you are actually EXTREMELY dependent, and are guaranteed in every relationship to expect and take rather than embrace and give.
I believe women who have immense needs and are used to giving to get (ISFJs, for instance) do very well to take time to themselves. This way they can learn to give unconditionally.
But the yolo lifestyle is very rarely the prescription called for.
Because the yolo lifestyle is fundamentally escapism. And escaping doesn’t make you a mature, independent adult.
Anyway, important things to notice in women.
As well as yourself.
For make no mistake — guys lie to themselves just as much about how independent and secure they are.
(just look at all the guys who spend their days talking about who and what is “alpha”, and see what kind of relationships they’ve created in their lives)
Go here if you want this to change: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
