As you know, I put out a little advisory yesterday to women.
It was direct.
It was harsh.
And, it was true.
But what’s also true — and men don’t quite appreciate the difficulty of this — is the apparent paradox women need to navigate between biological and psychological attraction.
Women need to be beautiful and feminine, to be biologically appealing.
And they also need to be independent to be psychologically healthy.
They must be submissive… and yet completely self-contained.
To give themselves to a man, yet not need him.
Suffice to say, you don’t see this very often.
The graph clusters most women choosing femininity or independence… with few managing both… and many lacking either all together.
A reality which begs the question:
If you have to choose, which is better?
Tough to say, to be honest.
Probably femininity… since biology is the foundation, and it’s easier to make a dependent girl — through your leadership — learn to love and trust herself, without it compromising her devotion to you.
(indeed, helping such a girl to develop psychologically — if you can manage it — will endear her to you permanently)
But options exist in both ways.
The latter will just take a bit more time.
And, will require a bit more effort on your part.
The reason being, women who develop independence at cost to femininity tend to have a very hard time making that final step.
Think of it like this:
A feminine girl becoming independent is a natural progression.
It is how girls become women.
The psyche is prepared for it.
But if the feminine development is blocked, then the independence tends to take on a masculine tone (even if only subtle).
And to overcome this, it ultimately means such women will need to kill off part of their identity.
To “become a girl again.”
To learn to let go.
Anyway, my advice to you is to seek a woman who has both. But don’t concern yourself too much if there’s room for improvement in one of these areas.
No one is “perfect,” and part of a relationship is growing together.
And I might add…
There are serious risks to dating a woman who lacks any independence, even if she is extraordinarily feminine.
Femininity is a powerful force.
It’s like a torrent of refreshing water.
But women who lack independence use it get validation and protection, so rather that rejuvenate you, it can ultimately drown you.
Tread carefully as usual.
And if you want help navigating this minefield, and seeing if said girl is a “work-in-progress” or a “next”?
Look no further than me: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
