Yesterday’s email was long, so I cut it short.
But there was more business to attend to… and I want to return to a theme I have thought much about recently.
Quality vs Quantity.
I believe this is the fundamental difference amongst those in the dating community.
There are some that believe the way to success with women is through volume.
That dating is a numbers game… and that the more numbers you accumulate, the greater your chance of success.
And then there are those that believe numbers (past a certain point) don’t actually mean much at all.
Even that they have downsides.
It’s not an opinion that you hear very often.
After all, it seems to be a point of pride in the modern day to list all the people you are seeing.
The more, the better.
(yes honey you’re attractive, don’t worry!)
But I beg to differ.
The reason?
Most modern people are stupid and miserable.
Your average “modern” has endless “options”… and is also single and on anti-depressants.
You average “modern” is childless at 40 (both female *and* male), and has hardly had a serious relationship in years.
Your average “modern” has no fucking clue what is going on.
And so, I do not advise you to follow the path of the average “modern.”
Modern society is the definition of intelligence without wisdom.
Which is why if you’ll take just a few minutes to think — make that seconds, cause this isn’t very hard — perhaps you’ll see that past a certain point options aren’t good… that too much quantity makes it hard to judge quality… and that if the environment isn’t going to restrict your options, you’re going to have to do it yourself.
I don’t make this pronouncement idly.
I know it almost seems like a prisoners dilemma: you don’t want to be the only person not in “the field,” because that means you’re still interacting with those who don’t have an attention span, except they at least have numbers to insulate them.
Which is why I don’t suggest guys simply date less people, but that they choose the people to date more precisely.
That they don’t allow themselves to be guided by who they “should” talk to… that they don’t even simply choose girls based simply on their looks.
Rather, they approach based on what their intuition tells them.
This may seem like some esoteric mumbo jumbo.
But it’s not.
And I’d venture even further to say: if you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you’re either a) using your logical brain too much in dating, b) you’re approaching for the wrong reasons (such as validation), or c) some combination of the two.
I know this is crazy based on what your favorite MPUA told you, but “attraction’s not a choice,” doesn’t mean “if I use X routine on a woman than statistically she can’t help but be attracted to me.”
It means that so much of it literally has nothing to do with us.
Pretty much the entire pillar of Personality, in fact.
Some people you are attracted to.
Some you are not.
And this has minimal to do with game, status, and even to an extent looks.
This is not to say these other things don’t matter.
It’s three pillars of attraction, not one.
But I want it understood around these parts that when it comes to discerning women of quality, you need to allow your unconscious to be the guide.
You need to see which girls you have a feeling about.
They may not be the hottest ones around.
And, you may have no idea why they strike your fancy.
But the point isn’t for you to think about these things, simply to act.
Because I promise you… 9/10 times, even if you “botch the approach,” these interactions will go well.
And you won’t have to work.
Just kick back and enjoy the chemistry.
Anyhoo.
Some more things to consider.
Quantity is derived from Preselection and Persona, but Quality only comes from Personality.
Neglect the latter, and don’t be surprised when all the girls you see are fake.
(You are too)
If you want to change that, go here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
