Friday night my wife was at a work function and I was a little “socialed” out, so I decided to stay at home, have a few gin and tonics, and watch a war movie.
(I had planned on something sophisticated like The Thin Red Line, but I cheapened out and went for Saving Private Ryan. I’m a sucker for propaganda.)
Anyway, the movie wasn’t free on Netflix or Prime, so I did what any regular person would do.Rather than pay $2.99, I spent 10 minutes clicking on “free streaming” links that didn’t work, wasting time and energy, and probably adding all sorts of malware and crap to my computer.It’s kinda funny, really.
I’d spend three dollars on a coffee without blinking, and 3x that on a drink (remember I live in NYC).And yet, three dollars to watch a high quality version of a movie was “asking too much.”
But I know I’m not alone.
The penny wise, pound foolish mentality is pretty endemic to people.
And is particularly apparent with personal development.
Guys who struggle to go to the gym will spin their wheels about “getting their act together” when a trainer would make them accountable.
Others will decide to “learn a language” on their own, using “free resources” (this never happens) when a tutor would actually make them practice.
And, of course, guys who struggle to date women, don’t understand them — and most importantly, don’t understand themselves — will “figure it out on their own,” spending years reinventing the wheel (if they even bother to go through with it).
Now, I get why this is.
Money is a short-term, tangible loss. Time is long-term, and intangible.It’s easy to see the loss of the former, not the latter.
Plus, there’s the psychological component of not “asking for help” — it’s more macho to struggle alone.
But I don’t know what to say.
Maybe I’m still searching for free movies online, but on the big-picture stuff I just can’t relate.
I’m where I am today because I have consistently invested in myself over the years.
I bought high-end products that broke my college bank account when I was 20 like “Man Transformation” by David DeAngelo…
I still remember being transfixed, watching the 20+ hours of it my rat-infested apartment in Philadelphia — some of the videos over and over again — until lessons internalized.
(That was the year I went from literally psychologically broken, ridden with panic attacks and social anxiety, to actually hooking up with girls and making friends)
(Get my Masterclass if you want a similar transformative experience: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page)
– I remember 2.5 years later when I ponied up 3K to work with Nick Sparks, who destroyed my PUA blockages and gradually set me on the course to interacting more naturally with women.
– 5k on a physical trainer who took me from extreme skinny-fat to in shape (and became a great friend).
-6k with a (now retired) coach years later who basically taught me how to coach others, while helping me to confront my self-sabotage.
Another 3k with Tanner Guzy — highly recommended btw — for sorting out my once-abysmal fashion sense (and developing my identity in what I wear).
And now, 15k this summer on two other mentors who are helping me examine aspects of my own relationship and ways to go deeper into my business.
All told, I’ve spent well over 30k on personal development.
(UPDATE: As of July 2020, that number is over 100k)
The intangible results alone have been worth it. But I’ve more than recouped that money multiple times over as a result.
So I just don’t get the “that’s a lot of money” excuse.
I get not HAVING the money.
And I get not being READY to address the issue that requires the money.
(Which is why I never hard sell people — not only do I hate it, but it’s the wrong approach for coaching)
But investments aren’t losses.
If you come committed, everything you put into working with (say me) you will recoup back financially (less wasted dates + total redirection of your life towards alignment & success) — not to mention you will save years of time and energy.
I always laugh when people say I’m “wise beyond my years” — all I’ve done is sought out people wiser than me and paid them to pick their brains, or to guide me.
Anyway, enough said. If it’s the right time and fit for you, go here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
