One of the interesting things about relationships are the little habits and patterns people establish over time.Inside jokes, rituals — things that may “kill” the honeymoon phase of novelty, but over time become a source of comfort and grounding.
Unfortunately, most develop “bad” habits too — cycles that lead to fights and hurt feelings.
I won’t lie, when I see these things with clients they make me very happy.
Not because I’m a sadist and enjoy my clients’ pain.
Because I see they’re about to level up.
(At least, since I’m around to help them see)
The truth is the insights from repetitive fights are invaluable.
They show character flaws and insecurities — generally in both parties — that might be impossible to notice otherwise.
An example:
Guy “innocently” makes opinion regarding girl. Girl gets defensive. Guy gets defensive because girl got defensive. Blow up follows.
On the surface it may seem like the girl is insecure, but in many cases both parties are guilty.
Yes, the girl may be oversensitive… but there is also the aspect of the guy “telling her the truth” to assert superiority over her. It can be a form of gaslighting… saying things that don’t have any benefit except to ones ego, subtly taking the girl down a peg, and then accusing her of overreacting.
She may need to stop personalizing things, but he also may need to stop being critical.
Just another reminder why relationships are both amazing and unappealing.
Amazing, because without the pain of someone reacting angrily, you’d never see what a shitty person you can be.
Unappealing, because you have to see how you’re shitty.
(most people who hate relationships, or the opposite sex in general, do so because they hate looking at themselves in the mirror)
Sadly though, in moments of emotion it’s tough to look inward.
And very easy to aimlessly blame… allowing said patterns to repeat in future relationships.
Which is where I come in.
No, I won’t necessarily advocate you staying in a romance. One, that is your ultimate decision, and two, some are dysfunctional to the point where they can’t be salvaged.
But I will help you to see what parts have been your fault, so you can know how to fix the dynamic… or at least leave yourself improved for the next girl who comes around.
Your partner may hold a mirror up to you, but you still have to look in the mirror to see.
I’ll show you where to face.
The link to sign up is here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
